22
Aug
14

REVISITING MICHAEL MOORE’S “FARENHEIT 9/11″ INSOMNIA

Last night I watched Michael Moore’s “Farenheit 9/11″ for the second time. The only advantage of getting older is that I forget many details of films, so I can almost enjoy it like the first viewing. Well, I wouldn’t say I enjoyed this film. And I do remember not enjoying it the first time. It was very upsetting.

After a sleepless night, I decided to do a little research and fact checking as much as is available. According to the Chicago Tribune,, the facts are pretty accurate.

According to a report by David Kopel, whom I mistook for Ted Koppel, this morning…(another sign of aging), thinking it was valid, wasting my time, as he shows some alleged deceits in the film.

I proceeded to read many more Moore dissecting fact reviews. Even FOX! Sure, Michael took a few dramatic liberties, but the FACTS about the reasons we went to war in Iraq, being based on lies, cannot be disputed.

The fact that we were attacked after being warned, cannot be disputed.

The fact that Halliburton profiting greatly by war, and having a major connection to Dick Cheney, cannot be disputed.

The fact that there were no weapons of mass distraction, yet the Bush Administration stated they had 100% proof that Iraq had them, cannot be disputed.

The fact that many innocent people, children, women, men, were “the price of war,” cannot be disputed.

The footage of the carnage in the film cannot be disputed.

I had to cover my eyes, but too late. I broke down and cried during the film. Little children with their faces being stitched up, screaming. Dead children in the back of a truck. Dead soldiers scorched and displayed. Showing a beheading from a far.

WAR IS TOTALLY FUCKED UP.

I was angry. Angry at the Bush Administration. Yes, I do not trust what their intentions were. For that matter, I do not trust The Obama Administration for remaining at war. Last night I posted on Facebook “I’m watching “Farenheit 9/11. Haven’t seen it since it opened. I am crying. Bush Administration was pure evil and greed.” And of course that caused the Conservatives to chime in and call bullshit on the film.

The bottom no bullshit line is, we had no reason to attack Iraq. Yet we did. Ya know, I actually don’t like using the word, “we”. We, the people, didn’t decide to attack, the President and his cronies did. Why don’t we the people get a vote when it comes to going to war?

And to clarify, I love my country. I hate war. I support our soldiers coming home safely, and wish them no harm. But I also wish no harm to innocent bystanders in any part of the world.

I am disgusted with the latest horrifying beheading of an American journalist, James Foley, at the hand of ISIS. I cannot bring myself to watch the film. My heart goes out to his family.

My heart also goes out to all of those suffering in Iraq, and Africa, and wherever. And closer to home, the victims and families of 9/11.

Everly life and death is of equal value. (Accept for Bin Ladin, Hitler, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, and anyone who dropped THE BOMB on innocent people. hehem.)

What bothers me, is that I think many Americans generalize the deaths in other countries. “Price of War”…”Nuke ‘em”.

And if some country came over here and bombed us, killing our relatives, we’d be pretty pissed. Oh yeah, that did happen, but it wasn’t a country, it was a few individual assholes. It wasn’t Iraq. It wasn’t Afghanistan. It wasn’t Saudi Arabia, although the majority of the hijackers were Saudis.

And now the newest assholes are ISIS. Ironically, allegedly trained by the U.S. Government! (Speaking of assholes), WHAT THE FUCK?

What do we do? This country loves war. But I don’t. And I know lots of other folks that don’t. Can’t we just take out the assholes?

And although a lot of people think Michael Moore is an asshole, I would like to invite him to be a member of my very own little, non-violent organization, IBIS. (Integrity, Balls, and Intelligence Society.) I think he is a brave motherfucker. I just read his book, “Here Comes Trouble”. Did you know that he had numerous death threats after he made his acceptance speech at the Oscars for “Bowling for Columbine?” He made the dreadful mistake of saying, “Shame on you Mr. Bush.”

After seeing Fahrenheit 9/11 again, having insomnia as a result of watching, and fact checking, as best I could, I can’t disagree with Michael Moore’s statement. And I hope our country figures out a way to take out these monsters in Iraq, without harming the innocent people of Iraq, and our troops.

But what is more impossible to ask? What the fuck is the real story?

ISIS1

 

24
Jun
14

GRAMMY “ORGANIZATION” STRIKES AGAIN

They’ve done it again. The organization that boasts a level playing field for all musicians, luring them into a shot at the dream, with a membership, have changed the game again.

To the average person outside of the music biz, this doesn’t mean much. In comparison to the shitstorms around the world, this is very low on the scale of importance, however, as a musician, its amusing.

I’d give up a guitar to be a fly on the wall during these meetings the controllers have. They really are little bully brats.

“How do we destroy the mess we created?! We offered a service that provides great communication between fellow members, which enabled artists to present their music to other voters, for consideration for a GRAMMY! And…and…damn it, they got nominated! That wasn’t supposed to happen!

Last year we put committees in some categories to prevent the Linda Chorneys and Al Walsers from getting nominated. That’s not enough!”

It is simple math. Einstein’s bastard brother, who was dropped on his head at birth could have derived at the new calculated system they just launched….

“Grammy Pro”.  Or as I refer to it….”Grammy Probe”.

Yes, my ass is sore, as they have just stuck it to us again.

They have wiped out Grammy365, and replaced it with GrammyPro. What’s the difference? Well, now they have capped the number of people you can contact. 750. They have also eliminated pertinent information, such as, do they vote?

INDEPEPENDENTS BE HEARD? Say what?

INDEPENDENTS BE HEARD? (Just not by too many.)

That page above no longer exists. Although it did, even when they already had committees!

Yes, it is simple math. I got nominated because enough people heard my music…to compete with the support that the majors have in their pockets. (Old news….just making my point.) If we can’t get to those voting ears…an indie – A REAL INDIE, (not Macklemore, which the organization boasted and milked, and misrepresented as Indies last year, as Warner was working with them…a real indie cannot get enough votes to get nominated, using this new and improved system.

 

Bwahahahahahaha!

Bwahahahahahaha!

 

Will I renew my membership? The dues are worth the hysterical entertainment provided to see at what lengths they will go, to keep the majors happy, and keep us out. And best of all…they get away with it, because they can. Brats.

What will they think of next?!

What will they think of next?!

Honestly, the biggest benefit of remaining a member is that I have met some amazing musicians. The saddest part, is that most of you will never hear their brilliant music.

 

P.S. Book plug….my book, “Who the F**k is Linda Chorney,”  is enlightening and entertaining, elaborating more amusing crap about the music biz.

06
Jun
14

MERIKER, home of the free and the dumb

God bless our guns. God bless our freedom. God bless the Second Amendment. Umm, what about Thou shalt not kill?

(Please recite this in a really silly, twangy, accent.) “Well, if it ain’t a gun, it’s gonna be a knife. If it’s not a knife, it’s gonna be a hammer. If it’s not a hammer, it’s gonna be gasoline.

How about, “If not a gun, a nuke? Why don’t we just all own them to defend ourselves?” Ah, but that would be ridiculous. Insane.

What most people twist about the Second Amendment, is that todays weapons did not exist back then.

Our lovely species just keeps on improving the killing machines. NOT the mentally ill, but manufacturers with the intelligence to build more deadly weapons.

Basically, the one with the biggest, wins. Our country is in control, because we have the most nukes. Because we spend the most on defense.

Is that setting a good example?

And it seems as if lying is now okay in Ameriker. News stations are allowed to present opinions as facts, to fuel the free and the dumb.

Why are people not held accountable anymore? It’s a fucking joke.

The free and the dumb receive propaganda like this, and BELIEVE IT.

LIES

Here are the facts. Approximately 10,000 Merikin children are injured or killed EVERY year by guns.

There are over 30,000 gun deaths per year in these United States of Meriker.

Number of deaths in car accidents, about the same.

We can’t live as easily without cars.

About 10,000 people are killed per year by drunk drivers,

The “Organizations” (Rulers of the free and the dumb), that distribute these lies, should be held accountable.

And the most horrifying part of it is….most of these free and the dumb are sitting in Congress.

God fearing good folk who trust faith over science. Denial. Denial of climate change. Denial of guns being a problem.

There are states where it is actually illegal to carry a DILDO, but not a gun. Home of the dickheads and shit for brains.

And of course, in the great state of Arizona, where you can carry a gun, but you can’t carry a beer.

 

HUH?!

HUH?!

 

I was on the Tayvay, in Arizona this week. They were nice enough to invite me on to promote my new video, “The Cantina”.

When I arrived there, I was informed that my lyrics in the second verse were too “racy”.

“They talk about a hard-on!” We can’t have that on daytime television.

The actual lyrics are:

I met a handsome man in the cantina, he said you’re new let me show you ’round town

And I noticed something below his belt buckle, I was flattered at what I thought I had found

As we walked out the door, I looked down and said, is that a beer in your pocket or you just glad to meet me

He said, “Quiet down, woman, I’m sneakin’ out my Miller Lite

Aw, shucks, looks like I’m not getting lucky tonight.

Okay, I can respect that decision…really, I can.

But, at the same time, I had 3 guests with me, with real guns. That’s okay.

God forbid a little sexual innuendo in this country. So destructive and inappropriate….but guns? Nah.

MERKIKER, home of the free and the dumb.

 

 

 

 

17
May
14

Would you let your kid go to Kenya right now? Rutgers is.

Rutgers University, (the same institution that paid Snooki $32,000 dollars to speak to their students) is about to send 6 of their students to Kenya at the end of this week, for a one month mission.

Now, an important fact about the Snooki deal, is that a student committee made that decision. Which to me proves that at the ripe average age of a college student, well, they are not old enough to make some decisions. (Although, ultimately, Rutgers allowed $32 Grand to go to the awe-inspiring Snooki.)

 

And I have nothing against Snooki, however, as an inspirational speaker at a University? Negative.

And I have nothing against Snooki, however, as an inspirational speaker at a University? Negative.

 

In the case of the trip to Kenya, Rutgers is responsible for making the decision, whether to cancel or not.

 According to the State Department, who always scares the shit out of anyone traveling anywhere…Kenya is on the top of their list, as an orange alert, to not go there. England also has the same warning. (Hence, I have used orange script! How cute.)

 According to the mother of one of the students going, Mrs. Teja Anderson, she spoke to a friend, who happens to be a U.S. Senator. His response, when she informed him of her son’s plans?

 “It’s like the Wild Wild West there. You are crazy to send your kids! Riding in a van on a two lane road for eight hours is insane. It’s on alert for a no fly list country for us!”

 Just TODAY, The Washington Post released this article on the latest bombing in Nairobi, that killed 10, and injured 70, “in the string of the recently increased terror attacks.”

 And this photo was released in an article from May 16th, 2014, warning folks not to travel to Kenya.

 

Should Teja pull "The Mommy Card?"

Should Teja pull “The Mommy Card?”

 Within this article, from a foreign media source, I am displaying this particular section for it’s relevance to Mom’s difficult decision to make:

Travel companies flyng out tourists

Just hours before the two attacks on Gikomba Market, British travel companies flew out some 300 tourists after the British governement had issued renewed warnings of possible terrorist attacks in Kenya.
“I’m very sad. We don’t feel threatened. I think everybody is overreacting. We wanted to stay for our holidays,” one tourist told DW while she was checking in for her flight to London.
She was one of approximately 300 tourists who had left their hotels in a convoy of buses, guarded by heavily-armed members of Kenya’s elite paramilitary unit GSU. On Thursday, some 300 tourists had already left the country on chartered aircraft.

So what would you do if it was your child about to leave for a month to Kenya?

I spoke with Teja Anderson this morning, after reading a post she put on Facebook, struggling whether to pull her son out, or not.
All of the students are traveling with Engineers Without Borders. (EWB). They are building two rain water catch basins and water filtration systems for a couple of schools. (I am not going to mention specifically where they are going as a precaution not to alert any bad guys.) There will also be two professional engineers traveling with the group.
As of now, the locals carry the water to school by hand. Her son’s role is to take care of any immediate medical emergencies…of the Rutgers’ group.
They will stay in a nearby city and commute every day to the village, by private van. It’s about 30 minutes to an hour away.
“He’s the only one trained in CPR, first aid, and knows how to use a defibrillator. He’s there to tend to any cuts, or minor injuries.”
Ummm, my first red flag. Is Rutgers giving that medical responsiblity to a nineteen year old?!
I’m not insinuating that her son is not well-trained, or irresponsible in the least, but they are solely relying on his experience to take care of the students in the field? There is no back up plan? What if there is a real emergency?  (Although that is the case with anyone traveling anywhere.)
But that’s number one of…fifty. Then there is always the possibility that their private driver told someone about the trip of U.S. students. That someone could tip-off sickos that can profit from their kidnapping, which has been reported as an increasing activity, along with the increased terror attacks in Nairobi, where the trip begins. Then of course, it is most likely that NOTHING will happen….
Anderson, understandably panicked, has called the Dean’s office and other decision makers, only to receive one returned phone call from a female Dean, who understands her concerns, but the trip is still a go.
She also spoke with one of the professional engineers that is going. That person has been corresponding with ISOS. They have allegedly advised no concerns, because these bombings have been in the very poor sections of Kenya.  (Yeah, that narrows it down, Linda says like Rodney Dangerfield.)
Anderson has personally paid for her son’s airfare, and shots. (The shots are supposed to be reimbursed in Africa.)
But screw the expense….is this trip potentially a huge risk?
I was in Kenya a couple of years ago. We landed in Nairobi, spent the night in a high-end hotel, and then took a small craft to various Safari areas. When we did travel by mini-van from A to B, we never did at night, except once, and it was a little nerve-racking day and night, but I would do it again….in the day light.
But would I go now? Ummm, I think I would wait until things cool down. 
That being said, I think Rutgers should wait until things cool down.
I have empathy for the locals who must carry their water to school, but they’ve been doing it, historically, and can wait, too.
This coming Monday, there is a meeting scheduled with Rutgers, the students going, and the parents, to voice their concerns and make a decision.
To put it in perspective, there are many exchange students from Europe who have cancelled their stays in the U.S. because of gun shootings in schools here. They see the News, it scares the shit out of them, and they think it’s nuts to send their kids here!
Our reaction? Oh, that is a rare thing to happen. We still send our kids to school. (Although I feel gun deaths in the U.S. are out of control…yet we could control…yet we don’t. Because our heads are up our asses, and our society is so fucking warped that a major university paid Snooki MORE money to speak to their students, than they did to a Nobel and Pulitzer Prize winning author, and recent receiver of The Presidential Medal of Freedom, Toni Morrison.)
Toni_Morrison_Cover2_of_Time_Magazine_Upx

PAID LESS THAN SNOOKI TO SPEAK AT RUTGERS

I asked Mrs. Anderson what she will do if Rutgers decides to go ahead with the trip?
“Well, if I decide to pull the plug, my son will be pretty upset with me. But I may have to play The Mommy Card.
My personal note to all of the students: Please don’t be mad at your folks. They love you. This next month will be hell for them every day, worrying about you! You are young. You can always go later. (And maybe Snooki can come, too!)
16
May
14

Confessing to my addiction

Yup. I’m finally coming clean. I am confessing a serious addiction.

It’s not booze. It’s not pharmaceutical designer drugs. It’s not pot. It’s not coke. It’s not heroin. It’s not meth (although I am addicted to watching Breaking Bad. I am a bit behind the times, as I began season one last week…and I have now finished season three!)

The show is more addicting than Meth

The show is more addicting than Meth

 

I began a diet on Monday, because I am doing a big music video shoot this coming Sunday, and I need to take off a few pounds, pronto! No, it’s not diet pills. This friggin’ diet does not allow any carbs, dairy, booze, or sugar. Only beans, meat, fish, chicken, and veggies. That means no fruit, no pasta, no bread…but most importantly, NO CHOCOLATE!

I cannot tell you how I am jonesing! It’s down right crazy! All I can think about is chocolate. I’m managing to stay away from the carbs, but I eat chocolate every day, except when I am in some far away country, where it is hard to find. (But I can at least find some sugar rush.)

Seriously, within 2 days, I was going out of my mind. I went into our pantry and stared at my stash of chocolate. I went as far as holding one bar, but put it back. Chocolate covered raisins. Dark chocolate with sea salt and caramel. Chocolate ice cream. biscuits with chocolate and caramel. Chocolate with mint goo inside. Trader Joe’s Belgian Chocolate with rice crispies. DAMN YOU TRADER JOE’S! Nestles semi-sweet chocolate chips, (that I throw in my popcorn when it’s hot, so it melts all over!) Chocolate Croissants. (Also courtesy of Trader Joe’s)

DAMN YOU TRADER JOES! YOU ARE TOO DELICIOUS!

DAMN YOU TRADER JOE’S! YOU ARE TOO DELICIOUS!

I am a chocoholic.

I feel like a junky.

By day 3, I broke down and had 1 square of that Crispy Rice Milk Chocolate in the purple wrapping. OMG! It was better than sex. I closed my eyes, and just let it sit and melt in my mouth. It was ecstasy! (Tried that once…it was awesome. But only once…no addiction there.)  Breaking Bar!

Well, anyway. Fuck the diet. I prefer a few more pounds on me, and an ounce of chocolate in my mouth!

14
May
14

OMG! Jon Stewart wants me on his show?!

Saturday afternoon I was hanging out at home, chilling before my performance in Tucson. I get a friend request from Jon Stewart. Yeah, right. The Jon Stewart? I clicked on Jon, and it went to what appeared to be an official Facebook page, where you could just “like” the page, which I believe I had liked over a year ago.

Wahhh.

This was the actual photo on the conversation, and when I clicked on it…it went to what looks like an official page.

 

 

And the photo of Jon corresponded to the same exact photo of him on the site, that is liked by 24k people. That’s not a lot for Jon….nevertheless, about an hour after accepting his friend request, I wrote a private message. It began with referring to whomever this was as Santa….because if this was really Jon Stewart, it would be a dream come true for me! I have watched all of his shows since day one. In my “Tea Bag Party People” video, I hold up a sign saying “I heart Jon Stewart”. He is in another video of mine when I interview Neil Degrasse Tyson, who has been a guest on his show, numerous times. I’ve been racking my brain, trying to figure out how I can get my book to him…I met him years ago in Austin on a movie set, where we were both filming different things. When I met Springsteen for the first time, my opening line to him was, “I am so jealous that you met Jon Stewart! He has presidents and world leaders on his show and maintains his cool, but when he had you on, he acted like a giddy school girl!” I’ve been in the audience on his show. I have his book…let’s just say I am a fan.

 

Ummm, is this really Santa?
17 minutes ago
yes it is me
Santa?! Am I your favorite Jew on your list!!??
Thank you for liking my page , Support you showered on me, I hope you never stop watching my movies and shows and reading my books…
ok. Prove it’s you. I met you in Texas on a film set….you were sitting with Bebe Neuwirth. What town were you in?
you tell me what town you met me ?
nope. not the right answer. Shoudn’t pull on my strings that way. Jon is my hero, Santa.
you don’t know the town you met me what a pity
I do. I’ve met Jon Stewart twice. But I have not met you. But thanks for makikng me think for a split second that just maybe this was legit. Peace. Have your people call my people.
what do you mean this is legit
duh. You are not Jon.
Gotta go. I have a date with Colbert now
i am jon
ok. What was the name of the Rabbi who circumsized you?
and what town do you live in the Shore?

Message cannot be sent based on either the receivers’ privacy settings or yours.

See you in Red Bank.

Message cannot be sent based on either the receivers’ privacy settings or yours.

Chat
I was obviously testing him to see if it was really him. After the circumcised statement, I was blocked. So, there are three possibilities.
1) The Daily Show has a staff that is reaching out to people who have liked the page, randomly.
2) I was actually speaking with Jon Stewart, who had nothing better to do, and he found my circumcision question offensive, or put his nose up, because I spelled it, and a few other words, incorrectly. (There should be a “z”in it…I hate spelling.)
3) It was some asshole, pretending to be Stewart.  (Perhaps Fox News strategizing to alienate his fans.)
If it’s number one, that is very lame, and most likely not the case. First of all, the page only has 24 thousand likes. Stewart should have millions.
Secondly, a marketing ploy to boost support for show and products? If that was the strategy….lame.
If it’s number two, well….it can’t be. Jon has a great sense of humor. So, I would think his responses would be more clever.
If it’s the third, you suck….pretending troll.
I think there should be some law that does not allow anyone to pretend they are just anyone on the internet. It’s out of control.
But I let it get to me! You know, that little part of you that hopes something is true. These hopes are what pariah prey upon. When people get things in the mail that are too good to be true, some dreamers go for it. They get swindled out of something by the lowlifes who take advantage of their naiveté.
But I. Let. It. Get. To. Me.
I was in a shitty mood after being blocked, (just in case it was really Jon, and I blew my big chance to get him my book…so he would have me on the show, because my story is just so awesome that he couldn’t resist.) And I actually took the energy to go over what I could have said instead…to test if it was really him, like, why are you writing me? (Like he knew about my videos, that I owned his book, rave about him all the time, etc.) Or, when is your documentary coming out? Or, what’s the name of the toy store where you hang out in Red Bank…with Bruce Springsteen? Or, how cool is Neil Degrasse Tyson?
I couldn’t snap out of it, and it affected my performance that night. I was mad at myself for not being able to just shake it off.
Then last night, I watched the show, but was slightly bitter, just in case it was his people…
Then this morning, I went back to our conversation on facebook, and all of his comments had been removed, and marked as spam. Being the pessimist that I am, I was glad I had taken a picture, and made a copy of my alleged conversation with my hero.
This message is no longer available because it was identified as abusive or marked as spam.
Anyway, Jon, the real Jon Stewart, if you happen to read this blog, I’m quite sure this douche bag was not you. And I hope you do reach out to me someday soon, so we can chat, and maybe you can read my book, and have me on your show.
TEA BAG PARTY PEOPLE
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON FOR PRESIDENT – LINDA CHORNEY’S DREAM 1  (My moronic interview with a genius)
Just in case you want more Neil….PART II…
<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”//www.youtube.com/embed/hMVXGCQnN3E” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>
11
May
14

For non-mothers on Mother’s Day. Encore Blog.

If you don’t have any kids, and it’s Mother’s Day, things can get weird.

No flowers.

Eventually I thought I’d get a bouquet.

Of course celebrating the due respect and love to my Mom is wonderful every year! Showing my appreciation for her raising me, and giving me unconditional love, my entire life.

Of course, it’s lovely to celebrate mothers, period. It is the most important role of the world, in my opinion.

Women are the stronger of the two sexes, no doubt about it. But somehow we fail to pass on the peaceful gene to men. Not all men, just the ones who resort to violence.

Mother’s Day was originally made for the purpose to call upon women to unite in their strength, compassion, wisdom, and non-violent ways, to influence men…(boys) to stop fighting!

I read this poem this morning, which educated me on the “birth” of Mother’s Day.

Written by ~Julia Ward Howe, 1870

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of tears!… We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says “Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.

The poem goes on, and just goes into detail of how senseless war is.

The biggest upside, is that I will never know what it is like to lose a child. I do not envy that position. And my heart goes out to any Mother who may read this, and has outlived their own. I’m very sorry, whether it be from battle, or battling illness, or for whatever reason.

But continually losing lives to war is so senseless.

WTF? Nothing changes.

Which bring me back to our exclusive, minority group of non-mothers. That would be me…and maybe you.

I guess there are 3 reasons why we don’t have kids.

1) We can’t for physical reasons

2) We don’t want them

3) We wanted them, but it just never happened. We did not have the balls to take the big step. Or find the right man attached to the balls.

I’d like to elaborate on number three. It was a tough call for me, starting at age twenty, when I first got married. I felt like I was still a kid…let me wait a couple of years. Then those couple of years past….let me wait a couple more years before I get tied down to that responsibility…then a couple more years…let me travel a little bit first….then a couple more years…I’m not sure I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this man….let me wait a couple more years….no, not that guy…let me wait a couple more years…hmmm, I better hurry if I want to have kids…then a few more years…aw, fuck it.

But did I really want them? YES! I wanted to be a mother. I still do! I would be a loving mother. Children are so precious! I want one!  I talked myself out of it for the following reasons…starting with THE number one reason.

1) The future does not look too good. (Refer to poem written by Julia, who had no idea what new toys men would invent for more efficient killing machines.)   (This is also a very convenient excuse/justification for not having the balls to take the big step.)

2) Boy would that change my life style! I have hung around children having tantrums, and say to myself,

“HOLY SHIT. I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT!”  While at the same time wondering if I had to deal with that, how would I handle it? Sometimes I think Mother’s are too understanding, and give in when their kid is demanding their way. But many display an extraordinary amount of patients and love. They are fucking superstars! I don’t know how you do it, but my compliments. You are incredible. I was told that I was a bit of a brat, too. Sorry Mom. (This is why you should go all out on Mother’s day for your Mom!)

But I know for sure I would never resort to violence….hitting my kid. I’m sure it is difficult to not lose it. I watch Mom’s struggle when they can’t control their child. But I also want to take a kid away from a Mom I see at a store, for example, squeezing or yanking their kid’s arm inappropriately. (Some women should consider birth control more often.)

3) Although having a child with your DNA is amazing; creating a “mini-me,” if I did actually have the courage to grow up and take on the responsibility of a child, I would have also considered adopting. Too many kids out there that need the love of a mother already.

4) Vanity

5) Scared it would hurt too much! (What a pussy I am!) If I did have one, knock me out, and wake me when it’s over.

6) My work. Singing in bars, (with smoke back then) I could not imagine myself on stage with a big belly, with my guitar slung over my shoulder, sucking in second-hand smoke. (I can’t believe it took so fucking long for that law to pass!) BTW – SHAME ON YOU MOTHER’S WHO SMOKE PREGNANT, or around your kids.  I’m one of those people who says something. (I am such a judgmental biatch.)

7) Finding the man I could commit to – to be the Daddy.

Well, that’s about it. And after all of that, no kids. I was hoping one day, Mother’s Day would not just be for my Mom. So it’s a little weird.

And some years, like today, I am mourning the loss. I see my sisters’ kids, who I love with all of my heart, and would die for. But my heart dies a little, every year this day comes.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Please pass this on to any woman you know without a kid.

I’m sending you a bouquet for just being a loving woman!  (It is hard knowing we will never know the feeling of love from our own child, or giving our love, but we’ll get over it after a trip to any grocery store with a screaming brat in the basket.)

Happy Weird Day

Happy Weird Day Sister

P.S. I have given birth to 6 albums and a book. They are my kids.




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Linda Chorney


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