If I wait any longer, they will be freezer burnt. The last blintzes my Mom made. When she was pretty sick, but still well enough to cook, my mom taught my sisters and me how to make her delicious blintzes. I knew the end was near.
They’ve been in my freezer for 8 months. I took them out to defrost last night. And now the moment has come.
I’ve stared at them a few times. Well, I can’t eat them without my family. And am I ready to let them go? I tear up now as I write this. I miss my mom so much. I am sure every child feels the same way.
How do you get over the loss of a parent? The emotions come in waves. A film might trigger the tears. Recently I watched a film where the Mom was in a hospital with Cancer. (which is what my Mom died from…and too many others die from these days). And the little girl was crying in her mother’s arms. And the sick mom, comforted her healthy little girl.
I wept like a baby, at age 54, in my weak yet strong, Mom’s arms, in the hospital, shortly before she died. She played her role as loving mom until her last breath. There is no substitute.
So filling the void is impossible. And now I am about to fill my stomach with the last thing I have left that she cooked.
…one hour later.
Dad, Scott and I enjoyed every bite, and shared the occasion on face time, with my sister in Oregon.
I served the blintzes on my Grandmother’s china. It was a special moment. And we talked about mom. I shared that when I get into funk mode, I just concentrate on what a long, beautiful life my mother had, and how much pain she was in towards the end. Not necessarily from the cancer. She also had major back problems, which, believe it or not, caused more pain than the cancer.
But I think about watching her shut down. I think about seeing her feet swell, and turn purple, and then spread up to her knees, and then up her thighs. I am grateful that she passed before her organs shut down, because she was still alert. She is at peace. And that gives me peace….and I just slowly ate the last piece of her blintzes.
I love you, Mom. And I hope I dream about you tonight. Please visit me…
Oh wait!! I just found a container of her frozen chicken soup! And even after I eat that, I’ll get to relive it with a burp. (You might not, but my mom would have laughed at my silly line.) Of course, Mom’s always think everything their kids do is great. Just another of a million reasons to miss her.