For non-mothers, and the motherless on Mother’s Day. New edition. The double whammy.

If you don’t have any kids, and it’s Mother’s Day, things can get weird.

No flowers.

Eventually I thought I’d get a bouquet.

Of course celebrating the due respect and love to my Mom is wonderful every year! Showing my appreciation for her raising me, and giving me unconditional love, my entire life.

But now that she’s gone, it totally sucks. Today is one of the loneliest, saddest days for me. And it’s not just today, although today it is the worst of the worst.

Recently I went to try on dresses for an occasion, something my Mom loved to do with me, (and often she’d even pay for the dress…)  This conversation echoed in the dressing room.

Mom:  “Get it, it looks fantastic on you, honey.”

Linda: “But Mom, it’s just too expensive.”

Mom: “I’ll buy it for you. You have to have it.”

That statement just made me cry.  Gosh I miss her. (Not because she paid for dresses on occasion, although that was lovely.) I just miss her every day.

Of course, it’s lovely to celebrate mothers, period. It is the most important role of the world, in my opinion.

Women are the stronger of the two sexes, no doubt. (If women ruled the world, there would be way less war, and more parties.)

And believe it or not, it’s not a made up Hallmark Holiday.

Mother’s Day was originally made for the purpose to call upon women to unite in their strength, compassion, wisdom, and non-violent ways, to influence men…(boys) to stop fighting!

I read this poem a few years back, which educated me on the “birth” of Mother’s Day.

Written by ~Julia Ward Howe, 1870

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of tears!… We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says “Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.

The poem goes on, and just goes into detail of how senseless war is.

The biggest upside, is that I will never know what it is like to lose a child. I do not envy that position. And my heart goes out to any Mother who may read this, and has outlived their own. I’m very sorry, whether it be from battle, or battling illness, or for whatever reason.

But continually losing lives to war is so senseless.

WTF? Nothing changes.

Which bring me back to our exclusive, minority group of non-mothers. That would be me…and maybe you.

Part II – The Double Whammy

I guess there are 3 reasons why we don’t have kids.

1) We can’t for physical reasons

2) We don’t want them

3) We wanted them, but it just never happened. We did not have the balls to take the big step. Or find the right man attached to said balls.

I’d like to elaborate on number three. It was a tough call for me, starting at age twenty, when I first got married. I felt like I was still a kid…let me wait a couple of years. Then those couple of years past….let me wait a couple more years before I get tied down to that responsibility…then a couple more years…let me travel a little bit first….then a couple more years…I’m not sure I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this man….let me wait a couple more years….no, not that guy…let me wait a couple more years…hmmm, I better hurry if I want to have kids…then a few more years…aw, fuck it.

But did I really want them? YES! I wanted to be a mother. I still do! I would be a loving mother. Children are so precious! I want one!  I talked myself out of it for the following reasons…starting with THE number one reason.

1) The future does not look too good. (Refer to poem written by Julia, who had no idea what new toys men would invent for more efficient killing machines.)   (This is also a very convenient excuse/justification for not having the balls to take the big step.)

2) Boy would that change my life style! I have hung around children having tantrums, and say to myself,

“HOLY SHIT. I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT!”  While at the same time wondering if I had to deal with that, how would I handle it? Sometimes I think Mother’s are too understanding, and give in when their kid is demanding their way. But many display an extraordinary amount of patients and love. They are fucking superstars! I don’t know how you do it, but my compliments. You are incredible. I was told that I was a bit of a brat, too. Sorry Mom. (This is why you should go all out on Mother’s day for your Mom!)

But I know for sure I would never resort to violence….hitting my kid. I’m sure it is difficult to not lose it. I watch Mom’s struggle when they can’t control their child. But I also want to take a kid away from a Mom I see at a store, for example, squeezing or yanking their kid’s arm inappropriately. (Some women should consider birth control more often.)

3) Although having a child with your DNA is amazing; creating a “mini-me,” if I did actually have the courage to grow up and take on the responsibility of a child, I would have also considered adopting. Too many kids out there that need the love of a mother already.

4) Vanity

5) Scared it would hurt too much! (What a pussy I am!) If I did have one, knock me out, and wake me when it’s over.

6) My work. Singing in bars, (with smoke back then) I could not imagine myself on stage with a big belly, with my guitar slung over my shoulder, sucking in second-hand smoke. (I can’t believe it took so fucking long for that law to pass!) BTW – SHAME ON YOU MOTHER’S WHO SMOKE PREGNANT, or around your kids.  I’m one of those people who says something. (I am such a judgmental biatch.)

7) Finding the man I could commit to – to be the Daddy.

Well, that’s about it. And after all of that, no kids. I was hoping one day, Mother’s Day would not just be for my Mom. And now it’s not even with her. So it’s a little weird, and now extremely lonely.

I see my sisters’ kids, who I love with all of my heart, and would die for. But my heart dies a little, every year this day comes.


Please pass this on to any woman you know without a kid…or a Mom.

I’m sending you a bouquet for just being a loving woman!  (It is hard knowing we will never know the feeling of love from our own child, or giving our love, but we’ll get over it after a trip to any grocery store with a screaming brat in the basket.)

Happy Weird Day

Happy Weird Day, Sisters and Brothers.

P.S. I have given birth to 7 albums, a book, a documentary, and a my newest infant, When I Sing. They are my kids.


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Linda Chorney

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