Okay. Mission Impossible. Find the correct people who will not pass the buck to remove the racial shit from a rock in a National Park.
LOCATION: Mount Lemmon, Windy Point
(Please feel free to imagine the theme song from Mission Impossible in the background while you read…)
My Mission. GET IT REMOVED.
(Clearly I have nothing better to do, as this is my second blog today. But I think my mission is important, Jim. I am willing to go up and paint over that rock myself.)
If you missed our last episode, “12 Years A Slave Forget Movie & Dinner,” the cliff hanger was literally on a cliff…
1:50 pm Tuesday. Called the City of Tucson Parks and Rec. Spoke to human. Not their territory. They gave me number of Mount Lemmon and Mount Lemmon Road Reports.
The first number they gave me has been busy for 30 minutes. Second number is a recording from police department about the roads. No answering machine. This mission is harder than I thought. (dun-dun dun-dun…dun-dun-dun-dun)
2:10 pm Tuesday. Called the National Parks of Southern Arizona. Press “O” for operator. There is a recording indicating to hold to connect to operator. Then a second later the same recording comes on…again and again. No human. Then there is the option to ask for a persons name. I randomly punched in numbers….no dice. Now I’ll try a fake extension. No dice again. Now I’ll try just not doing anything….nothing. OMG! I’m being transferred to an operator….”There is no mailbox associated with this extension. Wait while I transfer your call.” Try it! It’s like a broken record. Maybe you will get a laugh at my frustration. (602) 794-3804
2:15 pm Tuesday. Try looking up another number. Found Pima County Sheriff’s department and spoke to a…(drum roll) Human!! Jackpot. Apparently this is within the jurisdiction of Pima County! Score…I told the competent lady the story…she seems to care….I’m on hold.
2:17 pm. She’s back!
The rock in question belongs to “The Forestry Service”. She gave me two numbers….one that is like Graffiti busters, “Pima County Taking Action Against Graffiti Hotline.” Number: 520-792-8224. I just left them a detailed message. She also gave me the Coronado National Forest Number 520-388-8300….
2:21. I called Coronado National Forest…they said to call Sabino Canyon – Santa Catalina Ranger district Office – Paul – 520-749-7736.
2:23 I just called Paul. Not there. Left a message…..that will hopefully not self-destruct in 10 seconds.
Now. I. Wait.
(sing this next part.)
Doodle-oooo, doodle-oooo, Doodle-ooo…do do.
This portion of our show is brought to you by Stupid fucking rednecks that write offensive racial slurs on rocks, that were obviously dropped on their heads as kids by their stupid fucking redneck parents.