28
Jan
14

ONO! GRAMMYS TAKE AWAY MANY MUSIC CATEGORIES BUT ADD BEST ASS OF THE YEAR!

What the fuck is the priority of the Grammys show? Is it music? And does the producer of the show have his head up his ass when it opens with Beyoncé’s lovely ass in high-def? Now of course, I am no prude. And I think Beyoncé is gorgeous, looks fabulous post giving birth, and a great singer…but…kiddies watch the show…and in fact, buy the majority of albums these days. Her instrument? A chair. That’s inspiring to a kid. Mom and Dad, no need to give your kid piano lessons, just buy a chair.

Is that a Martin or a Gibson?

Is that a Martin or a Gibson?

How about opening with summm…..music?

The first “musician” that stepped on the stage was Keith Urban. And more followed.

For me, the greatest performance of the night was John Legend. Just with a piano. Gave me goosebumps.

Of course the press is not objective anymore. They are owned by the suits, who dictate how to slant any headline. The only free press with free will these days is a blog. So some are gushing over all of the ass.

I’ve always referred to the Grammys’ evening telecast as a circus. And this year it literally was. Sure Pink can sing her butt off, and is quite the acrobat, but it was more like Cirque Du Ass-Soleil!

Is that a butt plug or a microphone?

Is that a butt plug or a microphone?

This is indicative of the priorities of the suits. Do they not have any responsibility, or power to influence the direction of music?  Is the Recording Academy about recordings?

The daytime program, which is only available to watch on-line, has some of the greatest “musicians” in the world. These categories are not worthy of evening exposure. Who needs Jazz, Blues, Folk, Classical, and Comedy? (Although I must admit, I found the swinging butt plug hilarious!) These categories are made up of many real independent artists. And some of them were lucky enough to have been nominated. I am not talking Macklemore and Ryan, backed by big bucks, yet boasting to be Independents.

The American Association of Independent Music defines an independent work as one whose master recording rights are owned by an independent label or artist. Independent labels and artists, in turn, are those not majority owned, or under contract with, any of the three major labels or their subsidiaries, namely Universal Music Group, Sony Music Entertainment and Warner Music Group. This doesn’t factor in partnerships between independents and majors, which can cover things like distribution, marketing, radio promo and more.

Macklemore is in fact, supported by Warner’s giant teet.

The Recording Academy capitalized and milked the Indie Factor. And as I mentioned in a previous blog, I nearly hurled my Wheaties when I saw this year’s slogan –

LEASHED AND MUZZLED the Indies, is more like it.

LEASHED AND MUZZLED the Indies, is more like it.

Because, most of the folks sitting in the daytime telecast, were in fact leashed and muzzled. As a voting member of the Recording Academy, I can tell you that they took our services away this year, without prior notification. The only way a real independent can compete with the artists backed by suits, is to get our music to enough voting ears. Those of us on Grammy 365 pay our dues, which gives us the access to the other members in Grammy 365 to communicate, and present our music. (That’s how I was nominated.)

I explained it on the Artie Lang Show before the Grammys, in detail. Now, you may not care. Many folks don’t even watch the Grammys, because they say they are a joke; a giant advertisement for the suits’ artists. But I do care about the future of music. I want to be able to listen to a Pop radio station, and not have to change the channel because my ears are not happy. There is SO much great music out there.

Despite the Recording Academy’s efforts to leash it’s insignificant members, a few of us were nominated, through much effort to communicate, in order to present our music. Indies Scott Healy, Justin Roberts, Tom Peters, and Lorraine Feather were nominated, and three of us even won! Congratulations to Laura Sullivan, for Best New Age Album, Jennifer Gasoi, for Best Childrens Album, and Mariachi Divas for Best Regional Mexican Music. Personally, my submission, “When I Sing” in Pop, would have needed massive support to compete…and I was literally blocked from asking enough voters to listen, as were all of the 365 members. IF THE RECORDING ACADEMY HAD NOT RESTRICTED OUR COMMUNICATION, MANY MORE INDIES WOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED. (Although we don’t play the chair.)

Yay Jennifer!!

Yay Jennifer!! Best Dressed Day time award!

I thought the Evening Telecast had some great moments. The performance by Metallica and Lang Lang was…musical! It’s too bad Led Zep didn’t perform. I’m sure they turned it down. And their category (Best Rock Album) wasn’t even announced! And to be honest, even though I am a MASSIVE ZEP FANATIC, I didn’t vote for them, because it was a live album of old music. (fucking brilliant music – that is above and beyond anything) Although I had mixed emotions, because they never had won a Grammy. (I rest my case.) And I was disappointed that they cut off 9 Inch Nails at the end. Trent Reznor tweeted his feelings….

Music’s biggest night… to be disrespected. A heartfelt FUCK YOU guys.   (He doesn’t know the half of it!) Trent, you didn’t show enough ass, duh!

Best dressed, hands down for me, was Yoko Ono. She is 80, people! She looked adorable. She does great things for positive change with her money. (Not so much with her singing.)  I even cried when Queen Latifah married a bunch of couples, and I also was glad to see they plugged gay rights. (They just could have done it without the butt plug.)

I hope I look that cool when I am 80!

I hope I look that cool when I am 80!

Which brings me back to ass. My emphasizing how the Indies got screwed this year has everything to do with the priorities of The Recording Academy, when it comes to the circus. I want to see the next generation of kids be inspired to play an instrument, and not a piece of furniture. The Recording Academy has the power and platform to improve the future of music. Why not use it?

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4 Responses to “ONO! GRAMMYS TAKE AWAY MANY MUSIC CATEGORIES BUT ADD BEST ASS OF THE YEAR!”


  1. January 28, 2014 at 5:30 PM

    You eat Wheaties? Teasing, obviously.

    Your column and a note posted on FB by Liberty Devitto (Scott shared it) complement one another so perfectly it’s like reading the same sentence in two familiar languages. ‘Do not try this at home we are profesionals!’

    I remember traveling to Times Square to look at the block-long billboard for the Rolling Stones’ December’s Children elpee and the words across it ring true four and a half decades later, “The Rolling Stones. The band your parents love to hate.”

    Music at that time that wasn’t three minute songs on the car radio about rebelling, it was rebellion.
    Hope I die before I get old (only half the band survived to dotage), from Roger’s lips to God’s ear.

    Music was more than resurrection it was INsurrection. It was, with apologies to REM (perhaps the last band that really mattered) the end of the world as we know it and we felt NO pain. We didn’t know what we did not know so we thought we could–and because we thought it, we did it. Strange days indeed.

    And now, a half century after wanting to Hold Your Hand and other appendages, the pool ain’t in but the patio’s dry and if you don’t mind, would you ask those illegal gardners, bartenders and other menials to use the rear entrance. Otherwise the neighbors will talk, especially that little prick from Big Entertainment Inc, with blue sideburns all the way o his asshole, who’s promoting that rock opera and NetFlix series based on a video game that was turned into a movie and a hashtag. What is this for hash anyway?

    D.H. Lawrence’s Revolution for Fun is dead. It wasn’t killed by the NSA, the FBI or the CIA-it was done in by the ROI, return on investment. And Ms. Chorney, if you hope to become and remain economically viable you’ll need to decide RIGHT NOW if you are a person who wants to eat well or one who sleeps sleep well. And you cannot do both. Everyone sells out, we’re just arguing price and as we all saw Sunday night, The Price Is Right (!).

    I am, I said, to no one there and no one heard at all, not even Beyonce’s chair.
    Art for art’s sake, money for God’s sake. As Saint Neil of Innes offered while walking on water, after hell froze over of course, “I’ve suffered for my art, and now it’s your turn!” And to every season, turn, turn, turn.

    Exhale, sister. You’re brilliant.
    You care (maybe too much, but who wouldn’t want that said of them after shuffling off this mortal coil) and you’re funny and you’re smart and you’ll never give up or in which is why I’ll always look for you in a bar fight, at a barricade, actually anywhere except a Grammy hootenanny.
    You are proof of life AFTER life and don’t you dare change, ever.

    • January 28, 2014 at 8:43 PM

      Jeez Kenny – you are a fucking genius. So proud to have you as a reader. Well said!

  2. January 29, 2014 at 1:24 PM

    Told you before…..That’s why I love you!

  3. February 4, 2014 at 3:39 PM

    Thanks, Linda! You’ve got a heck of a lot of energy to fight the good fight. Great job on the Artie Lang Show. Keep eating those Wheaties!!!!


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Linda Chorney


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