17
Nov
13

Obamacareless. Introducing CHORNEYCARE!

My man has kind of let me down.

I have this silly game I play at dinner parties. I go around and ask my guests if we could extend the invite to more guests…3 famous or not, people, dead or alive, each, who would you pick? It’s a fun way of knowing more about a person. Some might choose Einstein, Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, Mae West, Mother Teresa, John Lennon, or their own deceased family member.

My next round of questions are….okay, if you could sleep with anyone, who would it be? (free pass for the married people – it’s just a game.)

Lots of George Clooney, Angelina Jolie, and so forth.

My answer in the past few years has been…Barack.

Man, I was in love. Infatuated. Proud to have him as my president.

The romance is fizzling. My answer is now….umm…Zach Galifianakis. No! Umm…Bradley Cooper! GROWL. Bradley-Cooper

Dude, you totally fucked up here! What is going on???

For some strange reason, I thought Obamacare was going to bring DOWN the price of healthcare for everyone!  I thought we were heading towards socialized medicine.  And if those who wanted to continue getting ripped off by insurance companies and jacked up medical bills, they could continue to….while the rest of us were looked after.

What do I mean by “looked after?”

I just thought the point was to keep these gouging parties in check. Ya know…how one hospital charges three times as much for a procedure than another.  How one is billed fifty bucks for kleenex…reading a fucking chart for 2 seconds, 200 dollars. Paying quadruple for medication, more than any other country for the same shit.  It’s out of control.

So I figured, with the government regulating these costs, or in other words, making the competition stiffer, thus lowering the costs of services, I was stupid enough to believe that part of the cost was going to be absorbed by the government. And now I have seen prices of healthcare actually go up.

Yes, I understand the objective is to make sure everyone is covered, so in the end, we don’t end up paying for the poor, the veterans, and the elderly, with tax money. I truly believe all of these people as US Citizens, in the “Greatest Country in the World” should be taken care of by the greatest country in the world. And I understand that if everyone bucks up, it is possible to cover them, too, IF the costs are brought down…on the premium, and the rip-offers!!!

My solution has always been to take out a portion of our defense budget, which in 2014 is predicted to be a gazillion. (At least 700 Billion.)

It has gone in 2001 from 287 billion, to this astounding 700 plus BILLION DOLLARS!!!  Check out this chart.

FUCKED BUDGET

WTF?

In the meantime, the military drops off it’s dirty laundry, and never picks it up. Veterans are NOT being taken care of….but you bet your ass the defense contractors, and corporations are. And it pisses me off to no end. WE DO NOT NEED TO BE SPENDING THIS MUCH MONEY ON DEFENSE. It offends me.

The population of the US is 317 million and change.  (That ticker thing is pretty cool.)

Let me whip out my calculator, and slash off a few zeros…I think 100 million is a billion.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

I just looked it up, as I am such an accurate, professional journalist.  it’s ONE THOUSAND MILLION?!!! That is insane! I know a couple of Billionaires! I always thought it was 100 mill. I am so out of touch.

Speaking of out of touch…back to my point, which is now 10 times more pertinent!! I am still in shock. (over the value of a billion, and the fact that I was such a dumb ass.)

WHY CAN’T THE GOVERNMENT JUST PAY FOR OUR HEALTHCARE???  PERIOD.

In the past decade we have spent TRILLIONS!???  I’m guessing 1,000 Billion is a trillion, on Defense.

When you put it down on paper like this, it really makes me sick. (Hope my health plan covers it.)

So, if we took our entire population, and gave them each 1 million dollars….that would cost (drum roll)…317 million dollars! What a bargain!!!!

Yes, people would start spending it foolishly…so, let’s put it into an account. This special account would be exclusively for healthcare.

THEN let’s take another 317 million, and just give to each citizen one million dollars to do whatever they want with! (THEY CAN’T GET IT UNTIL THEY ARE…thirty, so adults don’t end up pumping out kids to make money.) Now we are up to a measly 634 million.

THEN let’s take another….million dollars for EDUCATION, allocated in another special account.

Now we are up to roughly….1 billion dollars.

One. Billion. Dollars.

Solves our economy issues. We will spend more. Everyone will have a home. (PRICES CANNOT BE JACKED UP – Perhaps a 5% increase per year across the board.)

We will all be able to afford healthcare, education, and eat organic food that hasn’t been tainted by greedy corporations. We will be a smarter, healthier, happier nation, that could all afford to shop at Whole Foods.

And we’ll still have enough left over to bomb the crap out of everyone else. (And abortions would not be covered…they will be out of pocket, to keep the Republicans happy.)

Yes, I am being facetious….about the bombing.

We fight only the good fights…like when bad guys are killing innocent people.

Or, fuck ’em all. We build a great big wall, and live in our little bubble. Can we build a bubble to put over the US?

It would have to be tall enough so planes could fly under it. How could we do that?

Okay – scratch that idea.

The insane thing about my idea is….unless I miscalculated a zero or two, we could spend 1 billion EVERY YEAR to give each US citizen 3 million dollars.

I don’t think we need to do that. Maybe once every 10 years. Then we could all be rich assholes.

But, Barach, you let them biatches push you around. And…I know you just put up the site you were working on for a couple of years, and it’s not quite working correctly…

And then there is that little white lie…. “Keeping your old health plan”. Mine is gone. And the new quote is higher. What is up with that?

Please consider my 3 point plan! 3 Million for every US Citizen.

CHORNEYCARE!

Here is my chart…(seriously, click on the photo.)

CHORNEYCARE

(Oh, and legalize marijuana…no corporations are allowed to back a candidate, and we go WIND AND SOLAR. Stop fracking…and only hybrid cars. Those cars in my chart are supposed to be Prius cars. Get rid of all nuclear power…and nucular, And no more free downloading of music. And the Grammys can’t have committees anymore…and we clone Bradley Cooper.)

BIG P.S.  I am a prime example of someone poorly educated! first…my spelling sucks.  And, secondly, and foremost, ummmm, 317 million x 1 million is actually – I have no idea! A trillion? Darn it. As Emily Litella would say….never mind.

EMILY

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Linda Chorney


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