So most of you know of the scandalous nomination from last year. I diligently shared my experience on my blog. I tried to be as open and honest about everything I was experiencing. But in the bullshit world of Hollywood, you are shunned for showing you are…human. So I hid a few feelings, and messed up a couple of times when I expressed them.
I was overjoyed over the nomination, and even amused by the alleged controversy. And I am still grateful and honored to have been nominated by my peers! But after a while, (especially after the death threat), I wasn’t laughing so much anymore. There was a lot of other flack I took and swallowed. What I really wanted to do was put my fist through a wall and scream! Instead, I wrote my book. (And did some giggling!) There, I express exactly what I was feeling.
I’ll go into more of that in part II. But one of the best things that came out of my journey to the Grammys, was the song, “When I Sing”.
The bullying really did hurt. I thought after my long, hard road as a musician, paying my dues, playing clubs for three decades, putting out six albums, and totally believing in myself, had finally paid off! This was the biggest break of my life. And instead, I was accused of cheating, and it was never emphasized in the media that I got there because a lot of people liked the album enough to vote for it. Plain and simple. And if I were to say anything about my music, I heard, “Stop Being Defensive!” (blow me).
And now, a year later, the press I have received in Associated Press, Huffington Post, Los Angeles Times, plus, as a footnote to another Indie Nominee, Al Walser who is catching flack for his nomination, is still about the same old shit. How we used the system, bla, bla, bla. Even NPR wrote and broadcasted something inaccurate that I allegedly “claimed”. Well, yah, yah, no press is bad press. Fuck that. I’m pissed off. And it seems no publications (so far) care to hear the real story. I submitted my story to Billboard, and was told by a publicist who submitted it, that she was told it would be published on Sunday…then they had to edit…then we heard nothing. So, I’m not sure if it’s coming out now. I will be thrilled if it makes it! (Thanks to whomever might publish it in advance.) The story has evidence of underhanded actions. Changing rules without informing Grammy members, the utter untruths about airplay. (I’ll elaborate in part II).
But Part I is about my song. I recorded it at Eastwest in Los Angeles. One of the sickest studios I have ever seen! A fellow Grammy member, Robert Xeno, was kind enough to offer to record me, two nights before the Grammys. His wife, Eloa Xeno engineered. And a brilliant Pianist, Ed Roth accompanied me. Mom and Dad were there, along with Scott and a few others, and it was a magical experience. Later, Bass was laid down in Nashville with the remarkable David Santos.
Lyrically, though influenced by how hurt I had been from the unexpected reaction, I also thought back of relationships I had, where I had been let down. So I used all of that sad stuff. But the bottom line is, singing is a great escape. No one can hurt me when I sing!
Later, an amazing singer Lisa Sherman, asked if she could perform it in her show. I said sure! And director, P.J. Bracco of Red Hook Films, offered to do a music video. (Photo above taken by PJ). This was shot before our home of Sea Bright, New Jersey was hammered by Sandy. My man child is played by the adorable musician and DJ on the WRAT, Keith Roth. (No relation to Ed on piano….just 2 babes with long hair.) Also credited for camera is Chad C-Money.
Because of the lyrics, P.J. insisted that I go raw, no make-up, to capture the vulnerability of the song. (I would have preferred to touch up a bit, but, You don’t need make up when you sing? (Maybe that will be another song.)
If you want to splurge and download the song to SING TO over and over again: Please click here!
And special thanks to Shelley Welander , kick ass photographer, for making me look good and providing me photo that will be in The Arizona Daily Star tomorrow, and maybe another publication!