15
Feb
12

Bob Lefsetz, Will you be my Valentine?

Bob Baby!  Will you be my Valentine?  My little Elmer J. Fuddy Duddy! Did the red satin thong I sent you get caught in your sweet ass cheeks to make you angwee with me?  Did the chocolates give you gas?

Today my friend Bobby Messano wrote me a note, steaming!  He was so mad!!!  He said, “Did you see what that fuckstick Lefsetz wrote?!!!

I said, no.  Then asked, batting my eye lashes…was it about me?  (I thought for sure it was not.)  Messano texts me back.  Yes.

Yes?  Really?  So he sent me the link.  I used to subscribe to Lefsy, but thought he was too much of a grumpy old man, and a bit of a douche, and hit the unsubscribe button.  Then it automatically asked, “Why do you want to stop subscribing?”  (Something like that).  And I wrote, “Cuz he is a dick.”

But now I have had a change of heart.  I mean, just look at him.  How can you not be in love with this man?

Such passion and charisma.  He is a rock star!  And not only that, he is a lawyer!  How sexy is that?  And you know all lawyers are experts in music, and have the best ears!

I was excited when Bobby told me he wrote about me.  I knew it was going to be ugly, but I didn’t care!  I am actually flattered that he began his last blog with this:

"Linda Chorney didn't win the Grammy. You remember Ms. Chorney, she's the woman who used the Grammy 360 program to get herself a nomination. 
That was remarkable. Unfortunately, Ms. Chorney's music was not. Despite the worldwide press, there was no spike in sales, no embrace by the public, she's still a marginal artist playing to marginal audiences. 
Because her music is not remarkable. You have to be remarkable. 
Not good, not better than the people on the radio, but remarkable, which Seth Godin defines as being worthy of being talked about. There was nothing to talk about in Ms. Chorney's music. 
She was selling average stuff to average people, and today that's a death sentence. That's what the big boys try to do, in an ever less successful fashion. You can't beat them, and you don't want to be them. I'd hire Ms. Chorney to get the word out, to establish a grass roots marketing campaign any day of the week, that was what was remarkable about her efforts, not the music. But it's all about the music."

Be vewwy, vewwy quite. I'm hunting musicians, hu hu hu.

He probably doesn’t even know the name of my album, or who played on it.  And he has the balls to say  “She was selling average stuff to average people!??”  What the fuck does that mean?

You really do have to laugh at that.   And he doesn’t even know what Grammy 365 is.

I don’t mind that he doesn’t find my music remarkable.  He is entitled to his opinion.  But this average stuff to average people is so ridiculous.  He is so superior.

(I just picture him in that photo above, sitting in a wittle high chair.)

Doesn’t this guy have better things to do than to see how many records I have sold on “SoundScan“?  Which I just signed up for?  I never had to answer to anyone.  And I still don’t.  And it’s awesome!

But I am proud to say that I have graduated.  You remember my blog from the day of the Grammys when I admitted that I was hurt by what some folks said?  The bullies I didn’t expect in the beginning?  Well, I swear to you, I don’t anymore!  I am totally at peace!  There is such a satisfaction in me, since Sunday, that I cannot describe.  I can only say that I am immensely content!  And I can’t wait to get back into the studio and get my next album done!

Maybe I will write a love song for Lefestz.  Maybe not.  But regardless, I am so pleased with “Emotional Jukebox” and so grateful for the talented world class musicians that came on board!

For my newer readers of my dysfunctional blog, here is a link to the who’s who on Grammy Nominated “Emotional Jukebox!”

Elmer seems to be pissing off quite a few people, like this guy for example,

I don’t know who you are, or what you have against me, but if you think i’m out of touch, putting on a show that features dance music with david guetta and deadmau5, performances by every major contemporary act, and trying together the generations, then what the fuck do you call yourself? it’s because of people like you that the music business is in the trouble it is now, you dinosaur. stop trying to appear to be relevant. it’s not working.”

That letter was written by Ken Ehrlich, today.  (Executive Producer of the 54th Annual Grammys)

Dito, Lefsetz, you are not relevant.

P.S.  As I mentioned in one of my last blogs, about Whitney Houston, and the media and critics having a part in her anguish,  (And my husband brought this up at the dinner table tonight),  “That asshole Lefsetz doesn’t know a thing about you!  What if you were unstable?  What if his words actually pushed you over the edge?”  (Don’t worry, not a chance, my average people!)

My point?  Some critics are just mean, and probably haven’t had a Valentines Day Blow Job in a long time.   (I actually have a better word for Lefsetz, but have only allowed myself to use it once a year in my blog, and I already used it on Michele Bachmann.)

One last drawing of my funny valentine, courtesy of “The Hollywood Reporter”!

So Hot!





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6 Responses to “Bob Lefsetz, Will you be my Valentine?”


  1. February 15, 2012 at 1:35 AM

    “Did the red satin thong I sent you get caught in your sweet ass cheeks to make you angwee with me? ” Thanks for creating a visual in my left temporal lobe a well-placed fork couldn’t dislodge….Heck with what others think! Enjoy your life and your music-and continue to be the best you that you can be and the rest of us will follow suit, okay? And no more disturbing visuals, please?!

  2. February 15, 2012 at 4:44 AM

    I was angry reading what the dick-wad said about both of us! AVERAGE???? I’ve fought against average normalcy my entire life! LOL! You rock, fellow LSRH’er!

  3. February 15, 2012 at 5:38 AM

    He is a “man without a country”..(not sure what that means, but it looks good…hell, But I’m not a writer…oh maybe I am…ole Elmer just gets me soooo confused) A little bald (I can’t say chubby because I am and maybe he’s not little…he just looks it ) man who gets paid thousands of dollars as a speaker…(?) to spew his hatred of pretty much all things music….well maybe all things PERIOD! MMM I wonder if he shows up somewhere in Merrill Markoe’s “Cool Calm & Contentious” that I’m reading…probably not- I’m sure he hates her too..I’ve sent this piece of turd informative and nice e-mail replies for years about artists that I played with that he wishes he was on his knees in front of, but I’m not worthy because I’m one of the nobodies he talks about (after all his e-mail box is flooded-crap can’t you just drown then- ok being P.C. I don’t mean it) and he lost his balls on one of those Vail trails he’s always on. Maybe he’s afraid that I have some..after all I am a New Jesey born Italian there baldy….This is a man that espouses the fact that people won’t go out and play and pay their dues, but those of us, you, me, all of us..that are out there doing it don’t count, because WE prove his point..and it would suck if he had nothing to talk about…maybe there are dues tiers in his pea brain?? I suck because I don’t have an agent, yet I have 70 shows booked this year…where are his…You suck because you got into the Grammy Top 5….but that’s wrong, you have no right to be there,….Where’s his medallion?? Was he standing beside me or on a jumbotron when I got those standing ovations from 3 or 4 thousand at Summerfest last year? You and I sell no records along with the thousands of Indie artists out there that AREN’T on Soundscan…but he hates Soundscan…so how does the ALL KNOWING Mr’ Fudd get his numbers….Shit does he have access to our spreadsheets?…NO he looks at the friggin’ numbers on Soundscan…just like the agents that won’t sign us because we’re not on Soundscan.Ken Ehrlich is correct….he is irrelevant…Everyone else’s problem is that we give him credibility by talking about him…If we all just unsubscribed from the idiot….he could just go ski…As i said to him in one of my unpublished e-mails…he might never have heard of me in my 35 years in the music business, but I sure as hell never heard of him…he wasn’t even one of my lawyers, or a lawyer for anyone I knew…I mean I did play on over 50 albums for almost every label out there…(sorry…maybe i didn’t, I apologize Bobby)…but oops…i’m just a well….unpublished e-mail to old fuckstick…Ain’t the Internet Grand…:) I might as well make this my blog for the day…LOL, but I’ve never been a big blogger…There’s my problem….Maybe I can get in the Blues Music Awards if I blog more…that’s what you did with Grammy365 isn’t it…GOD!!!! Luv ya Linda….

  4. February 15, 2012 at 5:38 AM

    Reblogged this on bobbymessano.

  5. 5 paulspeer
    February 15, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    Bob is starting to remind me of musicians who work in music stores. You know… failed rock stars with a chip on their shoulder and a piss poor attitude. That why I avoid buying anything in a music store unless absolutely necessary because it is hard to avoid those kind of guys.

    Hard to believe what a dick Bob is to gloat over you not winning. I wonder what he would have said (probably nothing) if you had won. Sheesh.


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