Bob Baby! Will you be my Valentine? My little Elmer J. Fuddy Duddy! Did the red satin thong I sent you get caught in your sweet ass cheeks to make you angwee with me? Did the chocolates give you gas?
Today my friend Bobby Messano wrote me a note, steaming! He was so mad!!! He said, “Did you see what that fuckstick Lefsetz wrote?!!!
Yes? Really? So he sent me the link. I used to subscribe to Lefsy, but thought he was too much of a grumpy old man, and a bit of a douche, and hit the unsubscribe button. Then it automatically asked, “Why do you want to stop subscribing?” (Something like that). And I wrote, “Cuz he is a dick.”
Such passion and charisma. He is a rock star! And not only that, he is a lawyer! How sexy is that? And you know all lawyers are experts in music, and have the best ears!
I was excited when Bobby told me he wrote about me. I knew it was going to be ugly, but I didn’t care! I am actually flattered that he began his last blog with this:
"Linda Chorney didn't win the Grammy. You remember Ms. Chorney, she's the woman who used the Grammy 360 program to get herself a nomination. That was remarkable. Unfortunately, Ms. Chorney's music was not. Despite the worldwide press, there was no spike in sales, no embrace by the public, she's still a marginal artist playing to marginal audiences. Because her music is not remarkable. You have to be remarkable. Not good, not better than the people on the radio, but remarkable, which Seth Godin defines as being worthy of being talked about. There was nothing to talk about in Ms. Chorney's music. She was selling average stuff to average people, and today that's a death sentence. That's what the big boys try to do, in an ever less successful fashion. You can't beat them, and you don't want to be them. I'd hire Ms. Chorney to get the word out, to establish a grass roots marketing campaign any day of the week, that was what was remarkable about her efforts, not the music. But it's all about the music."
He probably doesn’t even know the name of my album, or who played on it. And he has the balls to say “She was selling average stuff to average people!??” What the fuck does that mean?
You really do have to laugh at that. And he doesn’t even know what Grammy 365 is.
I don’t mind that he doesn’t find my music remarkable. He is entitled to his opinion. But this average stuff to average people is so ridiculous. He is so superior.
(I just picture him in that photo above, sitting in a wittle high chair.)
Doesn’t this guy have better things to do than to see how many records I have sold on “SoundScan“? Which I just signed up for? I never had to answer to anyone. And I still don’t. And it’s awesome!
But I am proud to say that I have graduated. You remember my blog from the day of the Grammys when I admitted that I was hurt by what some folks said? The bullies I didn’t expect in the beginning? Well, I swear to you, I don’t anymore! I am totally at peace! There is such a satisfaction in me, since Sunday, that I cannot describe. I can only say that I am immensely content! And I can’t wait to get back into the studio and get my next album done!
Maybe I will write a love song for Lefestz. Maybe not. But regardless, I am so pleased with “Emotional Jukebox” and so grateful for the talented world class musicians that came on board!
For my newer readers of my dysfunctional blog, here is a link to the who’s who on Grammy Nominated “Emotional Jukebox!”
Elmer seems to be pissing off quite a few people, like this guy for example,
“I don’t know who you are, or what you have against me, but if you think i’m out of touch, putting on a show that features dance music with david guetta and deadmau5, performances by every major contemporary act, and trying together the generations, then what the fuck do you call yourself? it’s because of people like you that the music business is in the trouble it is now, you dinosaur. stop trying to appear to be relevant. it’s not working.”
Dito, Lefsetz, you are not relevant.
P.S. As I mentioned in one of my last blogs, about Whitney Houston, and the media and critics having a part in her anguish, (And my husband brought this up at the dinner table tonight), “That asshole Lefsetz doesn’t know a thing about you! What if you were unstable? What if his words actually pushed you over the edge?” (Don’t worry, not a chance, my average people!)
My point? Some critics are just mean, and probably haven’t had a Valentines Day Blow Job in a long time. (I actually have a better word for Lefsetz, but have only allowed myself to use it once a year in my blog, and I already used it on Michele Bachmann.)
One last drawing of my funny valentine, courtesy of “The Hollywood Reporter”!