Super Douche!

Meanwhile, back at Namm, (which every time I hear, I of course, think of  Vietnam), as I was waiting to get in, I was sitting outside of the Anaheim Convention Center, on a bench….

There were two guys dressed in suits next to me.  And one was on his phone, responding in frustration to an automated prompt.

I started laughing, and almost in a Turrets like fashion, began to blurt out, “Give me a fucking agent!”  “Let me talk to a human being now!”…and then said to the guy, “Don’t you hate those things?”

Super Douche 9 - Viet Cong 12, Chu Chi Tunnels, Vietnam (Which of course has nothing to do with this story.)

Naturally, this struck up a conversation.  And yes, we agreed that those ever-time-consuming, usually useless phone automated Sherlock Holmes, 20 questions, calm, annoying voiced woman or guy, bugs the heck out of us.

The only fun I have with them, is with the one’s that give you options to get a call back, if you don’t feel like holding.  When you get to “record your name” at the beep!

So, I take the liberty, as a recording artist, to amuse myself.  For example, the last time I was given that situation, I used my best Dudley Do Right impersonation, and said, “Super Douche, America‘s Newest, Cleanest Hero!”

Ten minutes later, I get a phone call that says, “Hello.  When “Super Douche, America’s Newest, Cleanest Hero” (in my recorded voice), is on the line, please press 1.”

It takes the edge off of waiting for me.  Just sayin’.  Do try this at home!

Meanwhile, back to the conversation with the well dressed dudes….

“So what are you guys doing here?  You’re kind of dressed up.”

They turned out to be the owners of “Boston Piano and Organ”.

“Hey!  I’m a Masshole!” I replied.  (That’s what some of us proper Bostonians refer to ourselves as.)

They were actually from Natick, which is next to Sudbury, where I grew up.

And one of the guys, is actually a musician in a suit; an organ player!  Not just any organ player, but one who played for the BOSTON RED SOX for 8 years!  AHHH!  His Name is Ray Totaro.

So, within the dialogue, that I began so eloquently with my attempt to humor a frustrated stranger, (Fred Zimmerman), after name dropping myself as a Grammy Nominee, Ray said he’d make a call on my behalf to Fenway, to try and hook me up with singing The National Anthem there!!!  (As I mentioned it was on my life check list of things to do!  It’s even in the liner notes of Emotional Jukebox!)

And Fred revealed that they have a new T-shirt line, with the catch phrase, “It’s A Beautiful Thing!”

And they thought my story was, (drumroll)…a beautiful thing!

Yesterday, I received in the mail, a box of 50 black T-shirts that said, in silver, “Linda Chorney, 2012 Grammy Nominee, It’s A Beautiful Thing!”

That was SO nice of them!  (Uh, oh.  Silver?  Is that a jinx?)

And now I feel like next Sunday, February 12, 2012, (my belated Superbowl), is a bit like the 2004 World Series!  The Sox were cursed up until then, although at least they had won a few pennants.  But my career had the curse, until November 30, 2011, when I got nominated!!

And now, I am the underdog, down to the last pitch, down by a few runs, bases loaded, and I am at bat on Feb 12th.  If I hit it out of the park, I get to take it home…

(And speaking of curses, I probably cursed myself, in 2010, when I made my checklist, before even considering submitting the album to NARAS, trying to be cheeky; and realistic, I had written “0 Grammys“, with a check next to it, as I had attained that goal!)

And Ray and Fred, are playing it like a World Series, the printer is set to go with, “It’s A Beautiful Thing” T-shirts, with “Linda Chorney, 2012 Grammy Winner”, just like they do in Sports!  AHHHHH!  AHHHHHHH!  Yikes!  That’s quite the risk!

I wonder what this dark horse’s odds are in Vegas?  Maybe I should bet against myself, so I can at least make some money from this nomination?  I had made a profit in my biz, up until I got nominated.  No shit!

“Irregaadless”, I say in an exaggerated, grammatically incorrect Boston accent, I am offering the “Nominee” T-shirt for FREE, with the purchase of EMOTIONAL JUKEBOX – or 2 of any other of my CD‘s, if you already have EJ.  (I am currently out of “CHORNographEY”).

Just go to lindachorney.com and secure your order!  And then maybe, just maybe, I will have another 50 to give away after Feb 12th, and I’ll be singing the National Anthem at Fenway.

P.S.  I just got off of the phone with Fred and Ray.  They asked me to wear the T-shirt under my Theia dress at the Grammys.  I said, uh, that’s not gonna work.  You guys should have made underwear instead!  That way, if I won, I could just bend over and it would say, “It’s a Beautiful Thing!”  I’m sure that would go over well.


1 Response to “Super Douche!”

  1. February 3, 2012 at 4:34 PM

    If you were to wear their tee shirt upside down, as long underwear to the Grammys with an overly functional headhole, with luck and the right camera angle for the voyeurs in the crowd and at home, (wait for it) ‘it’s a beautiful thing.’ It would assure a LOT of people are talking about you the following morning (even if you don’t like the reason why).

    And because when I type ‘It’s a beautiful thing’ I think I hear the opening chords of “White Bird” by David LaFLamme and I’s a Beautiful Day, I now have to go in search of a Sam Adams Winter Lager and a fork for my front lobe leaving you to put your Fenway Park tee shirt on.

    Remember in less than a month it’s reporting time for pitchers and catchers.
    Once you flash ’em your Grammy, you’ll have the run of spring training. All the best on the 12th!

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