Archive for February, 2012


Should Obama Bow?

I was having dinner with some folks.  Never mix wine with politics, especially if one couple is Democrat and the other very Republican.

The first part of the “political” discussion was about being gay.  And they had gay people in their family.

The wife said, “Being gay is Mother Nature‘s mistake.”  I could hardly believe what I was hearing!

I replied, “It is part of nature.  It is not a mistake.  And what does it matter to you if a woman chooses to love a woman?  Women are beautiful. And if a man chooses to love a man?  So what?  How does that affect you?

She replies, “It’s just not natural, it’s not normal.”

I asked, “What if it were the other way around?  What if you lived in a world that was mostly gay, and you were straight, and that was the norm?” I was just trying to get a little empathy out of her.

Now, I had put the word “political” in quotes, because this is a moral issue.  Why is it that conservatives are so rigid, and holier than thou?  How is it that they have the right to judge another human being, and believe they are the authority on what is right.

Some may be thinking, well the liberals are the same.  But it’s just not so.  I would say that we are all about saying “Yes we can”, and the Republican side prefers saying, “No you can’t.”

Better change the subject!  Another glass of wine…uh, oh, Obama comes up next, during a lovely dinner.  And I am not being sarcastic!  I really like these people, a lot!  I just don’t get it?!!  I don’t get how really nice folks, funny, warm, intelligent, hospitable folks, can think a certain way.

It’s like they have been brainwashed, perhaps by Sean Hannity, in this article, equating bowing to socialism.  (Not to mention, that had anything to do with FOX News being on the tv, during dinner.)  And they have a cute little dog named Cheney.  There is more than a fine line between Cheney and Chorney!  Too many close letters for comfort!  AHHHH!

So the issue this time, the next “no you can’t”, was about Obama bowing to other world leaders.

She says, “No President in our history has ever bowed to anyone. He’s such a socialist!”

I actually can’t believe that is true, if it is.  And if it is true, I am a bit embarrassed.  I am quite sure in Japan, that many US Presidents have bowed to greet more than just world leaders.

I believe it is almost equivalent to a handshake, but I could be wrong.  But what is so embarrassing about respecting a culture?  On the other hand, she is a bit embarrassed that Obama has bowed. I wonder if she is embarrassed about this…

Brewer, "Ya know, Mr. President. I think you should not bow to other leaders. You hold the highest, most powerful position in the world, and that demands respect! Obama, "I really appreciate your concern. Thank you so much. Now let's find your meds.

I think Obama has the class, and understanding of respectful relationships with other countries, to have the humility to stoop so low as to bow.

If it is culturally expected, and accepted in a country to greet someone with a bow, than why not do it? How is our President the exception?  How is he better than anyone else?  What kind of impression would that make on another country?

I say good on ya, mate!  I am proud to have my President be so tasteful.  (And he can sing, too!)

Now, I will say, that not all cultural practices are moral, like beheading, stoning women, cutting off clitoris, not allowing a woman’s right to choose, dictating who can marry who, etc, but I don’t see a proper greeting as being harmful, offensive, or humiliating.

There was a poll in the US, asked if they approved of the President bowing in Japan. I could see if the greeting, in addition to bending over, required getting boned up the derriere, and then having to eat foie gras off of the royal ding dong, and couscous off of his balls?  Then I might understand the objection.

I hope that hasn’t ruined your appetite for brunch.  In fact, I am starving!   Off to have some sausage, and finish up my book!   I’ll leave you with these photos, which if I may suggest, you sing in the back of your mind, “What a Wonderful World”. And a 1 and a 2 and a 3…”I see trees of green, red roses, too..

What a Wonderful?…..World…Oh yeah.

Will somebody please educate these people? (that make stupid, disrespectful posters like this.)



Hey Mom I’m on the TV! (Say in any silly accent you would like!)

Thanks to Mingle Media TV…


Grammy After Party

After the Grammys, they throw a huge party complete with acrobats, dancers, food, booze, and Kenny Loggins performing.  It was a blast.  (And I am a huge fan of Kenny!  There was one review about my music comparing me to Loggins and Messina, as if that was a bad thing…let’s see if I can find it…)

“I find this all fascinating. And here’s what I think, for what it’s worth: I’ve listened to most of her nominated album, “Emotional Jukebox.” It isn’t very good, in my opinion, and it is definitely not Americana, though that’s a hard word to define. At best, her songs remind me of mid-70s Loggins and Messina. At worst, I get some Shania Twain. I suspect there are a lot more than ten albums that are better than this one.”

(And btw, I have no problem with anyone having their opinion about my music.  I find both comparisons flattering. This person had the class to preface that it was an opinion. What I do have a problem with is when someone insults my fans.)

Now back to the party…Grammy Nominees get 2 free tickets to attend, and everyone else has to pay $200 dollars to get in.  (That is in addition to the money you have to pay for your tickets to the Grammy show, that can range from $300 for nose bleeds, to $1000 dollars.)  Or you can go on line and get ripped off and pay up to $5,000 dollars for a fancy ticket that a record label has made available to scalp at 5x the cost!  If you are a Grammy Member, you can get the nose bleeds for $150.

You cannot go to the party unless you purchase the tickets to the show.  So, at the very least, it will cost a member $350 dollars to go to both.  But it was a great show, and a hell of a party.  For the Rock Doc, it was 2 Grand.

For me, it was complimentary, but we had to shell out for hotels, make-up and hair, transport “Goin’ to California”  (Which you can download!!), and other stuff.  So, there is a couple of G’s right there, too.  (If “Going to California” gets 3,000 downloads, I might break even!)

So 2 things…

Number 1, my new friend, fellow Grammy member, nominee, and WINNER, Herschel Garfein….just wrote me and told me a story.

ELMER GANTRY is the winner of 2 GRAMMYs

Robert Aldridge and Herschel Garfein

Congrats!!  Great Opera piece that actually uses the word “fart” in it!  So, I had to vote for him….

Anyway, he won.  He brought his 9 year old daughter with him, all the way from New York.

There are several check-point Charlie’s before attending any of the events.

So, Herschel and his daughter were at one of the check-points, to the after party, and found that someone had swiped his tickets from his tuxedo pocket!

He explained to the security, and then, even to higher authorities, that he was a Grammy Winner, (and there was evidence), not the actual trophy, (you get that in the mail, a couple of months later…I may be camping out in front of his door to swipe it!)

But, regardless, they would NOT let him in!!  No ticky no shirty!  With his 9 year old daughter!!!  WTF!!???

Anyway, I am sorry Herschel.  That totally sucks.  (However, I would rather have had the win, and not have attended the party!)

Thing 2 – Looks like I am going to have to go on the road asap.  I love performing, though!

I played in Carbondale, Colorado, this Friday at Steve’s Guitar Shop.

Thanks Steve! Wicked Awesome, Groovy Venue!

This was a very cool venue, like a trippy living room with guitars hanging from the ceiling, and all over the walls.  Great vibe.

Testis 1-2-3 (Soundcheck at Steve's Guitar Shop, Carbondale, Colorado)

Thanks to the talented Mike Waters for hooking it up and opening for me!

And thanks Besty, for sending this shot!

LIVE at the show. Must have been a very serious moment.

And thanks to Alan and Luke at KDNK for having me on the show, and playing LIVE, the debut of my new song, “When I Sing”, which I am currently recording with Robert Xeno, co-producing.  Hear that show here!  (With my horse voice I could hardly sing!! laryngitis still full throttle. Tried to squeeze that last note out!~  Ouch!)

THe Odd Squad at KDNK, Sock Monkey Dream Weaver Alan, and Luke, and the oddest of them all, me!

But the bottom line?  I had articles written about me all over the world.  Tons of press.  But I make more sales in one show live on my CD‘s, then I do with downloads on line, on the week of the Grammys!  WTF?

So I’m a little depressed this morning, on the first morning I have been able to relax in my own bed in a while.  But the relaxing will not last.  Gonna hop in my Indie mobile, (Ford F1-50) and gonna hit the road to do some shows.  Probably going out solo until I can afford a band.

I am discouraged about how infrequently music is bought these days.  Not just from me, but other Indies without the giant muscle behind them.  And mainly, it is because people can steal your music.  Why pay?  Or stream it for .017 cents.  (or whatever ridiculous fraction of a penny an artist gets.)  WTF???!!!  (Do the math on how many times someone would have to listen to my song to make a dollar!)

And I wonder how many more albums my fellow nominees even sold after the nomination?  Of course, in a blog, recently written to diss me and my fans, Bob Lefsetz mentioned how my record sales did not “spike”.  But, he neglected to provide info of the others’ in my category.  And they are tremendous musicians, with great albums, so my point is not one of disrespect, just curiosity.

If I may take the line from one of my favorite movies, “Stripes”, written by Harold Ramis,

I gave my love a cherry....hey Cherries! Maybe Harold Ramis can do my movie!! Stripes, Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Animal House...and his latest!

(Whom I was lucky enough to have met gigging in Aspen, a while back….

Bill Murray says, “And then the depression set in”…

So, the party is over.



Okay.  So what’s next besides the next album?

Rock Doc, his wife, Lisa, and Scott and I, just polished off a couple of bottles of champagne, celebrating the journey that ended up on the Red Carpet at the Grammys!

Mom, Dad, Rock Doc, Lisa, Tracy, Doug, Thomas Hutchings, Julia, Guest (My love, Scott) & me - In no particular order!

Ya all know I am writing a book about this entire crazy story.  I mean, who would have thought the unbelievably kind, and generous gesture of one man would lead to a Grammy Nomination?  One very goofy, amazing, human being with a check book, a love of music, and a heart of gold.

So we are sitting around deciding who is going to play who in the movie, and having a laugh.


Scott – (husband),  Sean Penn or Bruce Springsteen. (Can he act?)

Rock Doc?  Eugene Levy

The ROck Doc

Linda?  Linda.   (I’m going for an Oscar next year!  Is there an Oscar 365?)


Thomas Hutchings/ Band Member – Will Smith

X- Publicist – Cathy Bates


Rock Doc’s Wife, Lisa – Edie Falco

Grammy Member/Producer/ New friend – Jeff Bridges

My Record Promoter – Tom Hanks

Dad – Larry David

I think I was adopted, and larry David truly is my biological father. (Daddy, no offense to you! I love you. It's just a movie. And you are nothing like Larry....I am!)

Mom – Barbara Streisand


Bob Lefsetz –  Jason Alexander

In the film, I leave my husband for Lefsetz

And Jerry Mathers as the Beaver!


(Okay, the movie is a bit of a fantasy.  But so was being nominated for a Grammy!)

When the book comes out, (which will hopefully become the movie), you will know all of the shit I have had to put up with.  What I thought would have been just a feel good story, went from elation, to shock, to frustration, to graduation, and back to elation!

And the bottom line is….I can only be me.  I can only be honest.  I cannot play the game.  I will never be fake.  I will always tell the truth.  If I think someone is out of line, I’m going to express it.  I am not going to kiss ass to get ahead.  The phrase, “You can catch more bees with honey?”  Yeah, that’s true.  It is an art.  But sometimes that can be interpreted as “You can manipulate more people with bullshit.”  (Which may explain why I have not had the big success in my music career.)

And I’m one of those people that sticks up for someone being wronged.  (Including myself.)  Like, ya know on Oprah, when they put a hidden camera in place, and they stage a couple, where someone is being victimized, and no one wants to get involved, except for that one person?

That is me.  At the risk of getting physically hurt, or involved.  That is me.  When I see a pregnant woman smoking?  I say something.  When I see a guy yelling at a woman, and pushing her around?  I step in.  When I see a kid getting beaten in Turkey?  I step in.  (But there is never a camera around for me to get a free car!)

But maybe there will be a camera around to capture what I have experienced.  And I guarantee it will not be boring or predictable.

And I am sure I will make some enemies of a system that is broken.  Of a corruption that is just accepted in the music business.  And in parts of society.   I mean, just look at my song “AWOL” on “Emotional Jukebox”.  I am sticking up for men that did not want to go to war during the draft.  Not a popular stance.  An “Unpatriotic” stance.  But it is my stance.  Hence part of my motivation for my record label.  “Dance More Less War” records.

And the bottom line?  The artist is usually at the bottom of the food chain.  There is the exception of the .01 percent of the artists that are lucky enough to reap the benifits of the business.  And by no means am I suggesting they do not deserve the accolades and the doe.

But many of the players on the chessboard of the music business are profiting, and most musicians are just sacrificial pawns.   I will not be one of them.

On a lighter note…I have a show Friday!  I am playing in Carbondale at Steve’s Guitar Shop.  And in the morning I am on Breakthru Radio with Jezz Harkins, and this afternoon on KDNK with Alan the Dream Weaver.

Oh yeah!  I am on the Americana Charts!  Thanks to all of the folks spinning my record, and to Fred Boenig (played by Tom Hanks), for making it happen.  More champagne!!!


Bob Lefsetz, Will you be my Valentine?

Bob Baby!  Will you be my Valentine?  My little Elmer J. Fuddy Duddy! Did the red satin thong I sent you get caught in your sweet ass cheeks to make you angwee with me?  Did the chocolates give you gas?

Today my friend Bobby Messano wrote me a note, steaming!  He was so mad!!!  He said, “Did you see what that fuckstick Lefsetz wrote?!!!

I said, no.  Then asked, batting my eye lashes…was it about me?  (I thought for sure it was not.)  Messano texts me back.  Yes.

Yes?  Really?  So he sent me the link.  I used to subscribe to Lefsy, but thought he was too much of a grumpy old man, and a bit of a douche, and hit the unsubscribe button.  Then it automatically asked, “Why do you want to stop subscribing?”  (Something like that).  And I wrote, “Cuz he is a dick.”

But now I have had a change of heart.  I mean, just look at him.  How can you not be in love with this man?

Such passion and charisma.  He is a rock star!  And not only that, he is a lawyer!  How sexy is that?  And you know all lawyers are experts in music, and have the best ears!

I was excited when Bobby told me he wrote about me.  I knew it was going to be ugly, but I didn’t care!  I am actually flattered that he began his last blog with this:

"Linda Chorney didn't win the Grammy. You remember Ms. Chorney, she's the woman who used the Grammy 360 program to get herself a nomination. 
That was remarkable. Unfortunately, Ms. Chorney's music was not. Despite the worldwide press, there was no spike in sales, no embrace by the public, she's still a marginal artist playing to marginal audiences. 
Because her music is not remarkable. You have to be remarkable. 
Not good, not better than the people on the radio, but remarkable, which Seth Godin defines as being worthy of being talked about. There was nothing to talk about in Ms. Chorney's music. 
She was selling average stuff to average people, and today that's a death sentence. That's what the big boys try to do, in an ever less successful fashion. You can't beat them, and you don't want to be them. I'd hire Ms. Chorney to get the word out, to establish a grass roots marketing campaign any day of the week, that was what was remarkable about her efforts, not the music. But it's all about the music."

Be vewwy, vewwy quite. I’m hunting musicians,                      hu hu hu.

He probably doesn’t even know the name of my album, or who played on it.  And he has the balls to say  “She was selling average stuff to average people!??”  What the fuck does that mean?

You really do have to laugh at that.   And he doesn’t even know what Grammy 365 is.

I don’t mind that he doesn’t find my music remarkable.  He is entitled to his opinion.  But this average stuff to average people is so ridiculous.  He is so superior.

(I just picture him in that photo above, sitting in a wittle high chair.)

Doesn’t this guy have better things to do than to see how many records I have sold on “SoundScan“?  I’m not on soundScan. I never had to answer to anyone.  And I still don’t.  And it’s awesome!

But I am proud to say that I have graduated.  You remember my blog from the day of the Grammys when I admitted that I was hurt by what some folks said?  The bullies I didn’t expect in the beginning?  Well, I swear to you, I don’t anymore!  I am totally at peace. There is such a satisfaction in me, since Sunday, that I cannot describe.  I can only say that I am immensely content.  And I can’t wait to get back into the studio and get my next album done.

Maybe I will write a love song for Lefestz.  Maybe not.  But regardless, I am so pleased with “Emotional Jukebox” and so grateful for the talented world class musicians that came on board!

For my newer readers of my dysfunctional blog, here is a link to the who’s who on Grammy Nominated “Emotional Jukebox!”

Elmer seems to be pissing off quite a few people, like this guy for example,

I don’t know who you are, or what you have against me, but if you think i’m out of touch, putting on a show that features dance music with david guetta and deadmau5, performances by every major contemporary act, and trying together the generations, then what the fuck do you call yourself? it’s because of people like you that the music business is in the trouble it is now, you dinosaur. stop trying to appear to be relevant. it’s not working.”

That letter was written by Ken Ehrlich, today.  (Executive Producer of the 54th Annual Grammys)

Dito, Lefsetz, you are not relevant.

P.S.  As I mentioned in one of my last blogs, about Whitney Houston, and the media and critics having a part in her anguish,  (And my husband brought this up at the dinner table tonight),  “That asshole Lefsetz doesn’t know a thing about you!  What if you were unstable?  What if his words actually pushed you over the edge?”  (Don’t worry, not a chance, my average people!)

My point?  Some critics are just mean, and probably haven’t had a Valentines Day Blow Job in a long time.   (I actually have a better word for Lefsetz, but have only allowed myself to use it once a year in my blog, and I already used it on Michele Bachmann.)

One last drawing of my funny valentine, courtesy of “The Hollywood Reporter”!

So Hot!



“If Depends or Valium are looking for a spokesperson, I just had a nervous breakdown and an accident.”


The Day After Pill! (Didn’t need one.)

I couldn’t be happier!  The day after thrill, is more like it!!

Thank God it’s over!!!!  The anxiety of not knowing was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through.

a) I hate waiting

b) I can’t stand not having control over a situation, or being left in the dark.  Too much time to speculate.

Did I think I stood a shot?  Yeah, a little.

But it sure is nice to come in behind the likes of legend Levon Helm.

And I’d like to congratulate all of the nominees for Best AMericana, Emmylou Harris, Lucinda Williams, and Rye Cooder.

Ummmm, I was the only one that showed up at the pre-telecast.

But at least I had the chance to speak with CBS at the Grammys!  And get what I thought was a very important message to fellow, struggling musicians.  Yes, I still feel I am in that category.  (If the big bucks start coming in, you will be the first to know!)  But for now, I have to return the gorgeous black diamond earrings that “The Gold Tinker:”, in Deal, NJ, so graciously lent me!  Thank you again!!

And now we are at LAX waiting for our flight (delayed) to Colorado.  Gonna do some runs down the white carpet!

Hmm, should I wear this on the slopes?  And I just found out that I am a nominee for women dressed in black!  (I’m a blushin!)  Check it out here!

So thanks again, and congratulations to Don O’Neill for designing my dress from Theia!!  I LOVE it!!!  (And Robert Huber for sharing his stretch Limo with Mom, Dad, Rock Doc, Thomas Hutchings, his hot woman Julia, Tracy Monahan, and her bitch, Doug!

Bracelets by Sweetbird Studios on my right hand, and Lou Guerrin on my left.  Necklace, also by Lou.  Boots?  29 bucks at Daffys!

This has been a blast!!!  And the press still wants to talk to me.

CNN asked me about Whitney Houston.  First of all, it is very sad.  She is an amazing talent, and I have been a fan.  Really tragic.

I responded by actually saying that I think some of the media and critics should take responsibility for some of the mean things they say.  People are human.  They have feelings.  Of course, they are not responsible for elements of one’s personality.  However we all have the choice when seeing someone on the edge, to talk them down, or push them off.  I believe too many people chose to push.

Jennifer Hudson blew me away last night with her performance of “I Will Always Love You”.  She gave me goosebumps.

But to lift me up, and cause an emotional outburst, Paul McCartney ended the evening, by sheer coincidence, with “And In The End”!

This is the song I chose to end “Emotional Jukebox” with.  So, I lost it.

But guess what?  It ain’t the end!!!  I’m just getting started!

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Linda Chorney

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