07
Sep
11

Panic Attack – Mother Nature HELP!

Puberty was late for me, I haven’t grown-up yet, and mid-life crisis just arrived.  AHHHH!  Freak out!  (I’m hearing the disco song in my head right now.)

Aren’t you supposed to have the crisis at age 40?  That was a decade ago.  I guess I didn’t feel as old then.

And it’s not so much that I feel old.  But I see my parents getting older.  I have always looked at them as timeless.  Now their clocks are slowing down.

It scares the heck out of me.  I never want to lose them.  What would I do?  I love them so much!  That would also mean I would be the grown-up, the top of the food chain, the next to go.

I am so lucky, first of all, to have parents that have been together for 56 years, happily.  I emphasize “happily”, because if parents stay together simply “for the children”, and they are miserable?  What kind of example of a loving home does that maketh?  Not.

You only live once.  If you are with the wrong person, move on.  Your kids will eventually understand.  They are resillient.  (This coming from someone without them, so that must make me an expert.)

But seeing the folks not looking as invincible as they used to, makes me sad, and makes me want to car per diem.

But how do I seize the day?  I’m bored.  I’ve done a lot.  What’s filler?  What is meaningful?

Practically every night when I go to bed, I always have the same statement and questions as I close my eyes.  There goes another day in my life.  Why do I feel like I wasted it?  Is this it?

I think the only time I don’t feel that is when I am in nature.  So as I leave for the mountains this morning, I am excited!  Going to remote area!!  No people!

My tolerance for people just keeps getting worse.  When I see idiots throwing their cigarette butts out of the window, or stomping them on the ground in a National Forest during fire season, I blow a gasket.  This just happened 2 days ago!  That is our mother you are shitting on!

We had just finished hiking a magnificent trail with waterfalls in Oregon.  At the end, there is a view point, for the folks that park, walk 2 minutes, look 2 minutes, and leave.  But some of them have time to squeeze in a cigarette break, exhausted from the 30 yard hike.

So these four older, out of shape humans were there, 2 of them puffing away.  Uh, naturally, I said something.  “You are not supposed to smoke here.  It’s in the rules.  And it is wild fire season.  And you see that butt on the ground?  (which was from one of the group), that’s littering.”

So this lizard faced smoker with a cross around her neck says, “You show me where it says you can’t smoke”!  She had a South African accent.

That pissed me off even more.  You are a visitor in our country and show disrespect?

“It’s pollution”, I continued.  “And I would appreciate it if you don’t leave it on the ground.  Take it with you.”  And then I left.

I was at the parking lot waiting for my sister and hubby.  I didn’t know where they went.  I figured they had bailed after I started preaching to the hag.

Along comes Lizard Face.  I actually say I am sorry if she was offended, but you can’t smoke there.

She replied with, “I can do what I want.  Here’s the butt right in my hand.  I’m a grown up.  I can smoke where ever I please.”

I said, “No you can’t.  Not in this country.  And there is a fine for littering.”

She said, “Yes I can”.

The “Yes I Can, No You Cant’s”  went on for a few rounds, though I was impressed that she had picked up the butt.  (Now I’m hearing the song from Annie Oakley).

Then my mates showed up.  “Where were you?”

They told me they had been observing the scene.   Lizard Face had flicked her disgusting fire stick on the ground, and stomped it into the beautiful soil.

My sister came up to her and said that was not acceptable, and please pick it up.

Lizard Face said no.  So Hubby picked up the butt and put it right in her hand!

Lizard Face said, and I quote,

“You ugly Americans put a crap in my ass!”

First of all, I don’t know how that is possible.  Secondly, I think she has enough backed up inside her uptight ass.

Then hubby said, “You don’t like it?  Get out and don’t come back”.

My hero!

The irony was that she was bragging to me about how she had taken the butt!

What a douche.  If I had known that, I might have suggested she taken her cigarette and stick it up her Apartheid Ass!

We took a picture of their license plate, and when they pulled away, I said, “Jesus loves you”.  I mean, how can someone wearing a cross, (cuz I guess that means they are supposed to be a good person), be so horrible?

Regardless, we have not stopped using the term, “You put a crap in my ass” And laughing ad nauseum.

Bla, bla, bla, bla, bla, bla, bla.

Wow, has this wandered.  And now it’s time for me to.

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2 Responses to “Panic Attack – Mother Nature HELP!”


  1. September 7, 2011 at 8:36 AM

    Well done Linda! Hard to have to confront the foolish when you are just trying to enjoy your day with nature. You know next time the light up for flick a butt they will thinkj twice. Someone has to fight the good fight let them know it is not OKAY!
    Good thing it did not turn into a fist fight. Now that would have made a great blog entry.
    keep it green!!!!

  2. September 7, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    Way to go Linda, damn careless disrespectful tourist like that should never be allowed into the USA! Thank you!


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Linda Chorney


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