28
Aug
11

POWER AND PILLOW REPORT

8 miles inland from the Jersey Shore, all appears to be calm.  The trees are hardly moving. We have power.  We have too much food.

Back home, no power, but great pillows!

Because it was more intimidating last night in the dark, I slept downstairs on the couch, rather than the exquisite bed above.

This guest room bed has one of those awesome mattresses with the foam that makes your body melt right into it.

But the pillows?  I don’t know if it’s just me, but I hate big fat pillows!  They hurt my neck!

I like them thin and kind of firm.

I don’t like the feathered ones that can poke you.  They are only good for pillow fights.   

Recently I stayed at a penthouse apartment in Manhattan, as a guest.  These folks are fucking loaded!  The guest bedroom mattress was probably bought used, from a favela in Brazil!  What the fuck?  And the pillow was like a sack of styrofoam.  Why do people cheap out on the guest bedroom?

Just to clarify, I am not talking about the folks I am staying with now…I just don’t like the pillows.

In our guest bedroom we have a very nice bed, with an assortment of good pillows….

Doesn’t it say somewhere in the bible, “Provide bedding unto others as you do to yourself?”  (Are you supposed to capitalize “bible”?)

Here is my request for all of humanity.

Don’t skimp on the sheets, (500 thread count at least!), the mattress, and especially on the pillows.

I mean the difference in price between a shit pillow and a good one is probably 10 or 20 bucks.  It is used for 10 or 20 years!!  Splurge.

The only thing a mediocre pillow is good for is putting between my bony knees.  I actually can’t sleep without one there either! (Gotsta have 2).

One time I was traveling cross-country after my season performing in Vail, Colorado.  Of course my pillow was with me.  Like my blanky, but different.

I stopped in Sweetwater, Kansas at some motel off of i70.  When I checked in there was a “WANTED i70 SERIAL KILLER” poster in the lobby.  Yikes!

When I got into my room, I bolted the door immediately!  It was one of those motels where you can pull right up to your door.  Yep, musicians have big budgets.

Then I tried to go to sleep after driving close to 800 miles that day. My head hit the pillow.  Oh no!  Shit!!  I forgot my pillow in the car!

So I am lying there in bed.  Hmm, should I go out to my car and get my pillow?  Should I risk my life?

After ten minutes of trying to sleep on it, i said, “fuck it!”  (I tend to say that too much, even to myself).  I got out of bed, opened the door, looked around for any psychos, and grabbed my pillow as fast as I could, bolted the door, and slept like a wee bebe.

That was in 1994.  2 years ago I still had that same pillow.  I actually travel with it, if I am using a car.  I brought it into the Hyatt in Chevy Chase, MD.  (Bigger Budget, because of Hubby!)

We were filming my video “Tea Bag Party People”.  .  AND I FORGOT IT!!!  IT”S GONE!!!  (Maybe the Tea Baggers prayed my pillow away!)

Here is the video that cost me my pillow!

….Meanwhile, back to the power.  I just got a report that we have no power where we live, and in fact it’s flooding like a mother. Water level has not hit the backsplash… yet!  Gotta save the backsplash!!

So, how about all of you folks donating your shitty pillows to help me sop up my house.  Then buy some nice ones!  Don’t do it at “Bed Bath & Beyond!”  Spend the same amount for a good one at Marshall’s, Home Goods, or T.J. Maxx.

I don’t know about your bible, but mine says, “Thou shalt not pay retail!”

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Linda Chorney


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