14
Aug
11

“EARTH TO BACHMANN…come in”

WARNING:  IF YOU LIKE MICHELE BACHMANN DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT.  IT WILL OFFEND YOU.  MY OBJECTIVE IS NOT TO OFFEND.  IT IS TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS, AND FACTUAL OBSERVATIONS, AND MAKE A PARTICULAR SORT OF MIND LAUGH.  THIS WILL NOT MAKE YOU LAUGH.  FACTS SEEM IRRELEVANT TO OTHER PARTICULAR MINDS.  IF YOU SHOULD DECIDE TO READ, BE CAREFUL OF THE FIRE AFTER BURNING MY ALBUMS, IF YOU OWN ANY!  PEACE.

LET THE BLOG BEGIN!

(Meanwhile, somewhere in Outer Space)

Earth to Bachmann.  Earth to Bachmann.  Come in Bachmann…”

“Sir, the line seems to be tied up at the moment”

 “Well, clear it, God Damn it!  We need to get through!”

“Uh, sir, that’s the problem.  She is on the line with God, and won’t get off.”

Have you seen her husband?  She probably can’t get off.

Seriously?  Another female whack job running for the G.O.P?  I just got through my shock therapy from Palin.

I watched “Meet the Press” and “Meet the Submissive God Fearing, Fag hating Mom” this morning.  When asked by David Gregory to clarify some shit she spewed in the past, such as women should be submissive to their husbands, Bachmann said,  “submissive” means respectful.  They are apparently synonymous in Never Never Land.  Not an English major.  She obviously spent more time studying her Bible classes than economics, as well.

When asked why she was opposed to raising the debt ceiling, she said it was because she was speaking for the American People.  (Not for any factual reasons.  Where’s the logic in that?)

Despite the knowledge of experts in economics, that know what disastrous effect would have occurred if the debt ceiling was not raised, she thinks “real America” knows better.   (Yeah, real stupid America).  (That doesn’t bother using adverbs.)  (Hmm. Too Elitist?)

What the fuck do the majority of the Americans know about Economics?  I know I don’t know shit.  The only thing I know is Basic 101.  Don’t spend what you don’t have.  U.S.’s G.P.A. is not looking too good there.  (Hmm. Too preachy?)

Yes, our country has spent more than we have.  Our country has borrowed what we cannot presently pay back.  But that doesn’t mean we can run out on the bills, like The Bush Administration dined and dashed.

Bachmann paraphrased  how Obama said to Senior Citizens that he didn’t know how they would get their next check if the debt ceiling was not raised.

And continued, she loves Senior Citizens, and would never scare them like that.  (It’s on the show.)

Hey Einfrankenstein!  What would you tell them?  God told you he sent the checks in the mail, and they will arrive  any day now?  We all know the other greatest lie…although, in your husband’s case, it may actually be the truth.  (You guys get that?  Right?)  (But he might swallow.)  (Hmm, too obvious?)

That woman is possessed.  Questions were asked directly, and of course, never answered directly.  Man, I wish I could have interviewed her.  Although David was very persistent to actually get a question answered with a simple “yes” or “no”, I think I could have been a bit more direct.

Rather than this question…

My first question would be:  “Mishy baby, would you go down on Palin if God told you it would guarantee you the Presidency?”

(Hmm, too direct?)

She had stock responses that made her sound like a robotic Mid-West version of a Stepford wife on biblical barbiturates. He asked if she would use advice from God to make decisions as President…

He asked about having Atheists or Gays serving her administration…  Here are the finale clips.  (I fucked up and hit off on my little recorder, so it is in two parts.   What am I?  Fuckin’ Scorcese?

.

It was so annoying watching this crazy-eyed, smirking, judgmental, lying, skirting around the issues that she knows she is screwed if she answers honestly candidate for the President of the United States.  Oh!  Maybe God told her to lie.  That explains it.  (hmmm.  Too long sentence?)

In the great words of Rosanne Rosannadanna,  “HEY! What are you tryin’ a do?  Make me sick?”

Gilda Radner has a better shot at becoming the next President, and she’s dead.

(Hmm.  Too soon?)

Go back to practicing law at the firm of Delusional, Douche Bag, and Cu……..Uh, oh.  Should I?  Dare I?  I dare!  I dare!  Drum roll, please…t-ra-t-ra-t-ra-t-ra-t-ra-t-ra.  …and Cunt.      (No you di’in’t!)  (Yes I did.)

(Hmmm. Too much?)

If you want to see the entire interview, so you know that I did not give you snippets that misrepresented the content, here is the link.  It is fair and balanced…from her lips to God’s ears.

I, on the other hand, am not.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032608/vp/44136638#VpFlash

GILDA I LOVE YOU!  YOU WERE MY HERO!  I MISS YOU!

**Authors “C” word contract:  I reserve the right to use it twice a year.  One down.  (Well spent, I might add.)  One to go.

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3 Responses to ““EARTH TO BACHMANN…come in””


  1. August 21, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    Dare I? I dare! I dare! Drum roll, please…t-ra-t-ra-t-ra-t-ra-t-ra-t-ra. …and yea i get it! but only because i am a non cuddling yankee fan who was in the bathroom when the kool aid was being passed around so i did not get to drink it while on break from class at simple university U.S.A. (No you di’in’t!) (Yes I did.) love this blog it is so much fun….I get to be silly since mine is so damn serious.

    • August 21, 2011 at 10:36 AM

      Umm, Pete, if you think this is silly….check out my latest, Alkayda/Alkida the Musical! Your stuff is serious, but seriously poingnient – poignient, ponient? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SPELL THAT WORD?

  2. August 21, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    You spell it anyway you want as long as its funny and starts and ends with F**


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Linda Chorney


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