Hmm. Too many thoughts in my head at 4:00 am. I’m obviously very excited about my new blog. So, which of the million subjects should I address today? Down to two! Dicks or Weddings? Dicks or Weddings? I’ll flip a coin! Heads – dicks, (naturally); tails – weddings. Stand by while I find a coin…
Dicks will have to wait until tomorrow. (They will wait for as long as it takes!) Tails it is.
I was on the phone a couple of days ago with a friend. I said, “$200 is a nice wedding gift, right?” She replied, “That’s a little on the cheap side”.
What?!!!! Seriously. I thought I was being generous! She continued to tell me that her wedding cost $150 a head. Is that average? That seems like an extravagant wedding. So, she continued to say that you should give at least the amount it costs per head, i.e., $300 dollars for a wedding gift. She continued, “The band is 5k, the flowers are another 5, and so is the photographer!”
First of all, is the objective of throwing a wedding to get back all of the money spent? Isn’t it supposed to be about inviting guests to share in the lovely celebration? Are we really supposed to pick up the tab of an over the top affair? And if so, do your wedded friends or relatives assume you can afford this? Do we pick and choose our friends based on what income bracket they are in so when the wedding comes they can take care of it? (Obviously none applicable, unfortunately for family, because the members that make less, somehow disappear when it comes to picking up that round of drinks.)
And while I’m at it, I don’t want to sound like a cheap skate, but when a group of friends go out for dinner, the bill is generally split up evenly, and I generally get screwed. First of all, I don’t drink that much. Booze and wine, are the biggest rip-offs when you go out. And then you always have the couple that orders soup to nuts. It drives me nuts! You know they do it on purpose. They know the tab is going to get diveeeed! Everyone knows folks like that…and you know who you are. It is obnoxious.
I know, I know, if you can’t afford it, you shouldn’t go out. But must we gather our friends based on similar incomes? And should we receive a spread sheet with broken down expenses, along with the over-done, waste of paper and stamps invitations for weddings? Why don’t they just include a bill?
And if so, can I please pick the band, and control the volume? Recently, I went to a wedding with the greatest, kick ass band! It made the wedding. The food was descent. But filet and fish, rarely come out perfectly cooked in these large functions. I’d hate to know how much the per plate cost was! You always feel for the father of the bride, shelling out such big bucks for guests who are secretly unimpressed with the chow. And then I went to another wedding where the music was so fucking loud that you could not hear the person right next to you at the table! Even during the over-priced, mediocre dinner hour!
Today’s blog would get too long if I started bitching about over-done Bar Mitzvahs and Sweet Sixteens’, and Graduations. It all comes down to excess. It should not be about the bells and whistles, it should be about fun and love. And if your friends look down at you for not throwing the Hoo-ha extravaganza of the century, or giving a gift large enough to compensate, they are not your real friends. And speaking of large, are friends with big dicks overrated? Stay tuned!