Archive for August, 2011



I just want to share my excitement!

My 6th Album,(my first Double Album) was submitted today for the 54th Grammy Awards.

I know it’s a “Hail Mary”.  But what the heck.

“EMOTIONAL JUKEBOX”, released in January is competing in several categories.

1) ALBUM OF THE YEAR  (Watch out McCartney!)

2) SONG OF THE YEAR – “Cherries”


4) BEST R&B SONG – “Broken Promise Land”

5) BEST COUNTRY SONG – “I’m Not Gonna”

(I’m so Country.)


“Mother Nature’s Symphony”

7)BEST ARRANGEMENT/COMPOSER 2  “Mother’s Little Helper”

If it was a bet in Vegas?  The Long Shot.

8) BEST BLOGGING SINGER THAT DROPS TOO MANY F BOMBS? (At least I have a shot at winning that one.)

But Executive Producer, The Rock Doc, Jonathan Schneider, took the chance, and bet it all!

Short Story –

I was performing in Aspen, Co. 2003.  This guy comes up to me and says, “You are really great!  I know what it’s like to struggle as a musician.  I’d like to send you some gear. I’m also a Doctor.”

I’m thinking, “Who is this guy?”  Gave him my P.O. Box…

And sure enough, a couple of weeks later, he sent me a wireless mic and guitar pick up.

Wow.  Pretty cool and generous.  And NO ulterior motive.

Fast Forward to 2010.  We are best buds.  He’s like my long lost goofy brother.  And he has a heart of Gold.

He says to me, “Linda, I want you to make the dream album you were never able to make before.”

(On my other albums, one hand on the guitar, the other in my pocket, pulling out every last cent, and both eyes on the clock.  Can be stressful.)

The Rock Doc gave me the biggest budget I have ever had.  He hired the greatest musicians available to man.  He lined up the best studios…(Same as Paul, for those of you that followed past articles!)

What did he want in return?  To make a great album.

With his help, love and passion for music, and the extraordinary talent of artists with Grammys on their mantle’s!  Click on each name if you want to see their credits…(a little more famous than I am…a lot.)  Here is just a bit of the cast of Superstars!

Lisa Fischer – Best known for The Rolling Stones!

Shawn Pelton – SNL

Will Lee – CBS David Letterman

Bashiri Johnson – EVERYONE!

Jeff Pevar – CSN

Leon Pendarvis – SNL

To the Rock Doc with the Heart of Gold:  We haven’t gone gold, not even silver, or copper.  Maybe Aluminum.  But what were the odds that you would ski down a mountain and bump into me?  Probably greater than getting the Grammy, but who cares.  It was a great run!

Thank you Jonathan!

To hear the album:



8 miles inland from the Jersey Shore, all appears to be calm.  The trees are hardly moving. We have power.  We have too much food.

Back home, no power, but great pillows!

Because it was more intimidating last night in the dark, I slept downstairs on the couch, rather than the exquisite bed above.

This guest room bed has one of those awesome mattresses with the foam that makes your body melt right into it.

But the pillows?  I don’t know if it’s just me, but I hate big fat pillows!  They hurt my neck!

I like them thin and kind of firm.

I don’t like the feathered ones that can poke you.  They are only good for pillow fights.   

Recently I stayed at a penthouse apartment in Manhattan, as a guest.  These folks are fucking loaded!  The guest bedroom mattress was probably bought used, from a favela in Brazil!  What the fuck?  And the pillow was like a sack of styrofoam.  Why do people cheap out on the guest bedroom?

Just to clarify, I am not talking about the folks I am staying with now…I just don’t like the pillows.

In our guest bedroom we have a very nice bed, with an assortment of good pillows….

Doesn’t it say somewhere in the bible, “Provide bedding unto others as you do to yourself?”  (Are you supposed to capitalize “bible”?)

Here is my request for all of humanity.

Don’t skimp on the sheets, (500 thread count at least!), the mattress, and especially on the pillows.

I mean the difference in price between a shit pillow and a good one is probably 10 or 20 bucks.  It is used for 10 or 20 years!!  Splurge.

The only thing a mediocre pillow is good for is putting between my bony knees.  I actually can’t sleep without one there either! (Gotsta have 2).

One time I was traveling cross-country after my season performing in Vail, Colorado.  Of course my pillow was with me.  Like my blanky, but different.

I stopped in Sweetwater, Kansas at some motel off of i70.  When I checked in there was a “WANTED i70 SERIAL KILLER” poster in the lobby.  Yikes!

When I got into my room, I bolted the door immediately!  It was one of those motels where you can pull right up to your door.  Yep, musicians have big budgets.

Then I tried to go to sleep after driving close to 800 miles that day. My head hit the pillow.  Oh no!  Shit!!  I forgot my pillow in the car!

So I am lying there in bed.  Hmm, should I go out to my car and get my pillow?  Should I risk my life?

After ten minutes of trying to sleep on it, i said, “fuck it!”  (I tend to say that too much, even to myself).  I got out of bed, opened the door, looked around for any psychos, and grabbed my pillow as fast as I could, bolted the door, and slept like a wee bebe.

That was in 1994.  2 years ago I still had that same pillow.  I actually travel with it, if I am using a car.  I brought it into the Hyatt in Chevy Chase, MD.  (Bigger Budget, because of Hubby!)

We were filming my video “Tea Bag Party People”.  .  AND I FORGOT IT!!!  IT”S GONE!!!  (Maybe the Tea Baggers prayed my pillow away!)

Here is the video that cost me my pillow!

….Meanwhile, back to the power.  I just got a report that we have no power where we live, and in fact it’s flooding like a mother. Water level has not hit the backsplash… yet!  Gotta save the backsplash!!

So, how about all of you folks donating your shitty pillows to help me sop up my house.  Then buy some nice ones!  Don’t do it at “Bed Bath & Beyond!”  Spend the same amount for a good one at Marshall’s, Home Goods, or T.J. Maxx.

I don’t know about your bible, but mine says, “Thou shalt not pay retail!”


Irene’s making me fat!

We cleared out the freezer, because they are turning off our electricity.  And we might lose power anyway.

We have made it safely inland to our friend’s house, and I brought all of this crap over here.

(We also barely made it here without killing each other.  The stress of packing everything and securing our precious stuff caused a few fights.)

But all is well now, as we stuff our faces.

We just ate samosas, scallops wrapped in bacon, and some potato kanish’s my mom made 6 months ago.  (I do not know how to spell the plural for kanish.  Spell check sucks.  Still Deeelicious.

I took all of the frozen shrimp and made ceviche.  (At least that’s for tomorrow.)  I have a slamming recipe.  But this ain’t no Julia and Julia blog.  I have enough to talk about without showing off my culinary talents!  I really do love to cook.  That’s why I have that nice kitchen!

I bought many bags of citrus fruit so I wouldn’t get scurvy.  (I always loved that word in school!)

I kind of went mental at Coscto yesterday.

I don’t know why I bought 20 lbs of carrots, and 10 lbs of onions.  I guess I thought they would be okay without refrigeration.  I’m in survival mode, man!

Saving some of the limes for mojitos with the mint we harvested this morning from the garden that will soon be underwater.

(By the way, for those of you who are in the New York area, just ask Mayor Bloomberg how to pronounce “Mojito“.  I don’t know if you found it as humorous as I did, but when he attempted to speak in Gringo Spanish to show off his skills to warn the Hispanic community about the evacuation, I thought of several comedy skits….no time now!  The ice cream is melting!

Now I just ate all of the Hagen Daz.  (Ask Bloomberg how to pronounce that, too!)

And I still have that fucking chicken from Costco to eat!!  I’m full!  It’s a race with the storm!  I have to prepare everything before it goes bad, or the power goes out!  Ahhhh!

We just cracked a bottle of “Far Niente“.  It’s a mega expensive bottle of red.  Oh no!  The cork is bad.  DAMN IT!  We’ve been saving this one for a special occasion.  Irene is as good of a reason as any.  It’s an Italian wine.  Translation – “for nothing”.  (I bet Michael knew that!)  It looks like we saved it for nothing.  Hey!  Maybe I can cook with it!

Hmmm, I have the onions…I brought frozen bacon….Coq Au Vin!!!!   (She said coq!)  (Julia would never.)  I’ll just dump the wine in that!

Julia eat your heart out!

And I will whip up some carrot soup with curry, ginger, and coconut milk!  Hurry!!  The rain is coming down harder, the lights are flickering, and the wind is howling!

The hurricane is still at least 12 hours away, and I might gain a pound an hour at this rate.

But I hate wasting food!  So I will eat until I get sick.

I feel like I am on speed here in the kitchen!  I have to crack another bottle of wine to slow me down…and to help me wash down the coq!

As tempting as it is to make a tasteless pun, I don’t have enough time right now to dick around.


Paul McCartney Epilogue – Repost by popular demand – by Liverpool!

How cool is this???    Hello Liverpool!


It seems that my encounter with Paul McCartney has made it all the way to the Womb of the Beatles!  Greetings Liverpool, and sites from England I noticed on my blog stats, like  The Macca Report !

I had written the entry you will find down the page a bit, whilst sporting a hangover, post meeting Sir Paul.  Then I took it down.  I figured, I should get over it.

Below is the original story of how I got to shake Paul McCartney’s Hand…


But for the true Beatles’ lovers out there, I am reposting the Epilogue, for you may appreciate it, and understand the anguish I felt. And maybe get a laugh at my expense!   (I am pleased to report that I am presently healing.)

Those of you that just know a couple of their albums, maybe have a “T” shirt, it might not be of interest.  But if you have lived and breathed the Beatles since you were a fetus, and have not stopped singing Beatles’ songs, and know every single word!  READ ON!  I need your advice!  

(And just to clarify, we all have lives, we don’t live for the Beatles.  They are part of us.  In our blood.  They live in us.  We are not psychos. They are just the greatest band, and songwriters to ever hit the planet.  Unsurpassed.)

When I was having my melt-down 3 days ago, what really pissed me off was my two friends that said “Everyone feels that way about the Beatles.”    I beg to differ.  If they did, they would have wanted the picture just as badly as I had.

Sure we all remember exactly where we were when we heard the news of John and George, oh boy. But, there are a group of us that feel more, breaking down, balling our eyes out, losing 2 of the fab 4.  Part of me died, too. (Oh shit, here come the water works again!)

I am not trying to be a brat here, (well, maybe a little), but I have recorded with the same folks that have recorded with John and Paul on their albums!  (Hugh McCracken, for example).  I just covered “I’m Only Sleeping” on my latest, and I recorded it where Paul has recorded – “Sear Sound“.  (I mentioned that in last article.)  If you click on the song, you can hear it.  Would love your take on my version.

I'm Only Sleeping

It has been on the radio here in the States!

Do you guys get “Breakfast With The Beatles” there?

Hosted by Chris Carter.  Wicked Awesome show every Sunday.

This does not count as a photo of me and Paul.  It’s on the wall with Walter Sear, (R.I.P.) in the studio in NYC.  Taken last year making my ‘Emotional Jukebox.” album.

Walter Sear Paul McCartney

My studio will just have the shot of me sniffing the bench where sat Paul’s Posterior.

And It’s not that I worship the ground they walk on, (or the bench they sit on).  

                                        Beatles are primarily human.  

I worship the music.

I even taught a Beatles song to a tribe in Africa!  (or at least made my best attempt!)

Masi Village All You Need Is Love with Linda Chorney from Linda Chorney on Vimeo.

Another song on my new album “Cherries” mentions the Beatles.  The verse goes:

“Life’s a great big bowl of cherries, sometimes bittersweet

But you taste all you can, and embrace all the love, and avoid all the hate

And never hesitate to wear my heart out on a limb

And laugh and be silly with my friends

And sing at the top of my lungs my favorite Beatles songs

Oh, cuz we never know when we’re gonna go

But what will come, will come no more, when we’re gone.”

And the fucking photo opp is gone!

You are all cordially invited to my Pity Party.  But it will be fun if you are a member of our special tribe of diehards.  

(Let the Re-posting begin…)

DO NOT READ BEFORE READING YESTERDAY’S BLOG “Today I shook Paul McCartney‘s Hand” or it won’t make sense.  Actually, even if you have read it, this might not make sense.

It’s 5:30 a.m.  I have been tossing in bed for 2 hours. I went out and got drunk last night. I tortured myself by reliving the moment at the crossroads, where I made the decision to turn away from the Paul Pic chance.

This is what went through my mind during the decision making, yesterday, at 2:40 p.m.ish…..

Picture, if you will, the cliché scene of  said human having an angel pop up on one shoulder, and the devil on the other.


Devil: “Hmmm.  Do you really give a fuck if you ever see this woman again?  You’ve only met her 4 times.  Trash this friendship.”

Angel: “Well, she did tell you Paul was over there.  You wouldn’t have known”

Devil:  “Yeah, but she wouldn’t have even gone over there if you hadn’t encouraged her, and accompanied her, Just do it. Go back there!”

Angel:  “Your snobby Hampton friends are trying to be polite, and act super cool about the whole thing.  Mind your manors.”

Devil:  “Fuck that!  It’s Paul McCartney.  It’s the price he has to pay for his fame.  He’s bigger than Jesus, and taller!”

Angel:  “Now, now, Linda.  Your friend had conditions in the beginning of this event for you not to ask for a photo.”

Devil:  “Yeah, but this is your idol.  And then after, she wanted to go back for a photo, in immediate hind sight, but she chickened out, thinking it would be tacky.  Plus they asked for her contact after the gift.  It wasn’t her last chance.  That was selfish!  When are you ever going to have this opportunity again?  Plus, she TOLD you “YOU CAN’T GO BACK THERE”.  She didn’t ask.  What?  Does she own Paul McCartney?  And no one tells you what you can’t do.  You’ve got massive balls.  Get the photo, or it will be a living hell!”

Angel: “Shut the fuck up over there!”

Linda:  “Yeah, the moment with Paul was so brief.  Plus, I’m getting fucking old.  When I am senile, I won’t remember the moment, but the photo would surely jog my memory.  It looks like I might have to tackle my friend.  This is really pissing me off.  Fuck!  What should I do?  Both of these girls are giving me shit.   Should I waste friendships to get a photo with Paul?  A real friend would understand!  And if my parents saw a photo of me and Paul, it would bring them so much joy!  That’s worth a potential, tacky, embarrassing moment. What’s the worst thing that could happen?  He says, No?   I’m sure Sir Paul would get over it.  Mom and Dad have been playing Beatles albums in my house since I was four!  I know every song.  I learned to play Blackbird on my guitar when i was seventeen…It was a very good year.”

Devil:  (He is singing the melody from “When I was seventeen”…)

And now your 51, could be a very bad year

Could be a very bad year for not going for it all,

go get the picture with Paul,

what happened to your balls,

if you don’t go, you’ll bash your head against a wall

could be a very bad year. la la la la…

Linda:  “Fuck. Alright! I will walk away. But I am not happy about this.  I need a moment.”

…Then I needed those drinks, and now I can’t sleep or shut of my mind.  I feel like crap.  Might as well make myself laugh!

(Unless you are a true Beatles Aficionado, you will not get the rest of my insane conversation in my head right now…If you are, please sing along.  It will be a fun game to figure out what tunes I am using for my new self-pitying lyrics!  Yay!)

(Now the sun is rising, as I’m writing, hung over..6:00 am. Aug 25, 2011)

Angel:  “Good Day Sunshine!”

Linda: “Bang bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer came down on her head, do do do do.”

Devil:  “When you get older, losing your hair, many years from now, will you still be regretting not getting the pic, and tellin’ that girl it’s too        bad, you don’t give a shit.”

Linda:  “Help!  I need a Lobotomy”  Help!”

Angel: “Your day breaks, your mind aches, you find that all the words of kindness are worth more than having Paul’s photo with you”

Linda:  “You wanted it, you needed it, and yet you don’t believe it when you said, I’ll do as she said, Examine your head”

Devil:  “And in her eyes you see nothing, no sign of Paul behind the tears, cries for being a douche, a photo that would have lasted years”

Angel:  “It’s getting better all the time.  Bettah, bettah, bettah!”

Linda:  “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they’re here to stay, can I do over, yesterday”

Angel:  “Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies”

Devil: “She say no, I say fuck you, she say tacky, and I say fu-huck you. Oh no!”

Linda:  “Linda, dumb bell, these are words that go together well, my dumb bell”

John from the Grave: “Imagine no picture of Paul.  It’s easy if you try,  No reason to keep bitchin’, time to let it go bye bye”

George from the Grave: “I don’t know why-hi-hi, you didn’t take the picture”

Ringo:  “They’re gonna put you in a straight jacket”

Linda:  “When I wake up early in the morning, life my head, I’m still complaining.”

(How the fuck am I gonna to end this?)

Angel:  “And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.”

Devil:   “And in the end, the picture you didn’t take, is equal to the biggest mistake you make.”

Linda:  “And in the end, the photo I grasp, is sniffing the bench where sat Paul’s ass.  Ahh Ahhhh…bant ban na na na na na NAH!”

Sniff Sniff
Sniff Sniff

2 Questions:

1) Should I have listened to the Devil or the Angel?

2) If the Devil made me do it…do you think Paul would have been an Angel and said “Yes” to take the photo with me?

Cheerio! (I’m trying to act English)…(I know, Sod off!)



Sure Eckhart, we all create our own suffering.  “The Power of Now” says we have a choice on how to take things, how to react, or not react.  That is all true.

Eckhart Toll

Ya get a free bowl of consciousness with that hat?

(How sweet is he?    I really do admire him.  I’m jealous of his super powers.)

What about when a drunk driver hits your kid?  Or some wackadoodle goes postal?

Or your neighbor blasts music late at night and it wakes you up from that deep sleep you so desperately needed?  Or you see someone throw their cigarette butt out the window?

Or someone flies an airplane into your office?  Congress.  You find out you have been cheated on.

Or your husband puts the toilet paper roll in backwards?  (That really drives me nuts!)  We are trained to grab from the top!  It feels totally unnatural to reach around the bottom.

Leaving kitchen cabinets open…leaving lights on.

Talking to health insurance companies to try to find out what the fuck is covered, and what isn’t this week.  Fucking morons that don’t want healthcare paid for, so insurance companies can yank you around and keep getting richer.  People passing the buck for massive oil spills…and getting tax breaks.

I could go on forever, but then I would be creating more suffering!  “I’ve got the power” -bant bant bant- (I’m singing the song in my head..feel free to sing along).

I wrote this really Zen song on my “1 Kiss At a Time” album.   It was my reaction to the Anthrax scare.   Here’s the chorus…

“I can’t control the world, so I have to control myself.

losing it won’t do me any good, as well as anybody else

I can’t control the world, so I have to control myself

And try to understand it may be not in my hands

and go about my life and just love”

“Control” By Linda Chorney released 2006 as a track from 1 Kiss At A Time

(To view this music player you need to have Flash Player 9 or newer installed and JavaScript enabled. This flash MP3 player for website was built with PodSnack.)

Wow, man.  Garoovey, peaceful message.  But,


(You may recite that like the late great Sam Kinison for proper impact).


This is why we have comedians.  Truly, 75% can’t handle the world.  It is their outlet.  And some of us write music to get things off of our chests.  (Or blog.)

But what about everyone else?  Therapists are very expensive, and they are more fucked up than comedians.

On paper, it all makes sense.  Then human nature steps in.  It really would be so much healthier to just say, “Well, getting angry won’t improve the situation.  Just don’t let it get to you”.  La la la.  And I really tried.  (Then I stopped.  It was exhausting!)

I’m not encouraging outbursts.  But you know what really pisses me off?  “It’s all God‘s plan…Oh, it was meant to be…”.  (Like Sept 11th?)  FUCK YOU!  (That was meant to be coming out of my mouth.)

And BREAKING NEWS:  Talk about bad timing – Earthquake hits Washington while Congress is absent?  A missed opportunity to shake some sense into them?  This proves, unequivocally that there is no God.

Okay. Break.  Let me find my latest Eckhart Tolle book that says the same shit as his other books…read Linda!  Meditate!  Concentrate!  Be Meh-low!  Meh-low!  (A scene from Cheech and Chong‘s “Up In Smoke” is in my head right now.  Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.  See clip at end of blog.  Or don’t.)

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it” – Eckhart Tolle

“No Shit?” – Linda Chorney

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”  – Eckhart Tolle   (That one’s not working for me….at the moment.)

Ahh!  Here’s one!!

“Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.” 

I’m all better now!

Here’s a bunch of his quotes that might work for you, just incase you create your own suffering, too.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to see a therapy session with Eckart Tolle and Sam Kinison?  There is a great skit for SNL.  THAT IS MINE!  Oh, but if the idea is stolen?  It will help the evolution of my consciousness?

Uh oh!  AHH! AHHH! Let me watch Cheech and Chong to mellow me out again!

If you have the time, check out this clip.  Live in the now of hilariousness!  (To cut right to the mellow sequence in my head from above – forward to 6 minute point).  But maybe live in the later, and watch it all then, if you happen to be at work in the now –  fucking off!)

Isn’t it great fucking off in the now?  Is your mind at work?  Where are you?  Can you tell your boss he needs the experience of you fucking off in order for him (or her) to evolve? (And maybe give you a raise so he will receive total consciousness?)

Caddy Shack BillMurray

Bill Murray – head grounds keeper.

btw, “UP IN SMOKE”  One of my favorite movies of all time!  You do not need to be high to laugh.

Ties with “CADDYSHACK” on my list.  Caddyshack Nation (who’s with me?) thanks Harold Ramis for his brilliant humor and hours of fun quoting him in the now and then!

Hey Harold!    When we gonna jam again?  You Rock!

Harold Ramis with me in Aspen!



Put great artists from Rock, Jazz, and Classical Music together, and you can wing anything and get a one of a kind performance!  Witnessing this is a pure privilege.

Last night, I was a bad girl.  I whipped out my little iPhone and hit record during Chris Botti’s show at the Count Basie Theatre in Red Bank, NJ.  I just had to capture this moment.

Not only is Chris an amazing trumpet player, but he is very engaging with the audience.  Tons of personality. And not hard on the eyes.  He’s the Ken Doll Version of Miles Davis.  (That is a compliment…he’s got the looks and the soul.)

Botti’s tour presently includes the Musical Goddess, Lisa Fischer.  Chris respectfully introduces her in the show as Grammy Award winner for “Best Female Vocalist”.    And continues, that when she won it at the start of her career, afterwards, she received a phone call from some dude that wanted her to join his band.  Mick Jagger.  She’s been with The Stones for 16 years now.  I am in awe of her talent.  And she is beautiful inside and out!

Linda Chorney and Lisa Fischer

Me and Lisa Fischer

I was fortunate enough to have her sing several tracks of two of my albums, including my latest, “Emotional Jukebox”.  She fucking rocks!  Her range is astounding.  Her tone is pure.  Her presence is ballsy and gracious.  In the studio, my jaw stayed wide open in disbelief as she belted out wild child soulful cries, creative melodies, and contrasting controlled sexy subtleties, track after track.  Wish I had gotten that on my shitty iPhone recorder!

Listen to “Mother’s Little Helper”

(Funny little story – when I asked Lisa to sing on “Mother’s Little Helper”, she asked in her sweet, calm voice, “Oh.  What song is that?”  I thought it was so cute!  I guess she and the Stones had never done that song on tour.  So I taught her!  Yay!  Maybe they will next tour! She slams on it!)

Listen to “Broken Promise Land”

 (My less optimistic answer to Springsteen’s Promise Land)

The Neighborhood of the Basie hosts a bunch of talent, like Bruce Springsteen, Jon Stewart, Max Weinberg, and of course, the token frustrated, not quite as famous, me.  (Who was drooling to get up there and share this magical moment.)  (I was just there 2 weeks ago performing with Pat Benatar.)

Max Weinberg and Linda Chorney

Max Weinberg and Linda Chorney @ Count Basie Theater

Uh, oh.  Sorry Max, I only got that one shot, and it looks like your eyes are kinda closed.

My bad.

(Maybe your impression of Forrest Gump?…”and then I met Linda… again.”)

But at least one of us was lucky enough to be a part of the performance you are about to see, recorded on the finest piece of shit camera.  (So please excuse the quality.)

It is my favorite piece (that I can’t even pronounce), from my favorite Opera, (which I can pronounce!) “Turandot!”

With the okay from Chris….

Here to perform “Nessun Dorma“, Chris Botti and his band, with special guests Lisa Fischer, Carolyn Cambell on violin; and invited to the stage, from da hood, Max Weinberg!

When you see performers having a blast, and a moment, you get to have it, too!  You can’t tell from the crap footage, but there was so much joy on Max’s face.  It was awesome.

And although that was the finale of the show, the highlight for me was when Lisa came out and sang one of  my all time favorite writers, Burt Bacharach’s “The Look of Love”.  She began acapella with a soaring, goose bump making, completely original playing with the melody intro. Lisa and Botti blew me away.

So I gots this crazy idea!  My little dream team.  Chris, Lisa, Max, and Moi to do a Best of Bacharach Album.  No one since Dionne Warwick has been able to nail the vocals.  I’m not expecting Lisa to fill her shoes.  Ms. Fischer can strap on her rock and roll boots and do her own thang.  And if that album ever comes out, maybe we can all get some Grammys!   Or we could do an Opera?  Nah.

Lisa Fischer~ Chris Botti ~Linda Chorney

Lisa Fischer~ Chris Botti ~Linda Chorney. (I look totally yucky in that picture. But I only got one shot of that, too. That's show biz!)



Although the country is presently divided, there are still inter-political romantic relationships.

 Some of them survive.

Although there are major rivalries in sports, there are still Yankees fans and Red Sox fans in love with each other.

Although there are total assholes, and really nice people, some of them marry each other, and they stay together.  Guess which one I am?  Wicked awesome retro ski wear, huh?

Even Jews and Palestinians somewhere fall in love.

(Although, I could only find one photo.)

BTW – Top 3 funniest “Curb Your Enthusiasm” episodes EVER!

which reminds me, stay tuned for my next blog!  It’s my new Musical for Broadway!  Semi-Seriously!

Different faiths intermingle, different cultures, skiers and snowboarders, all races….there is always something that can bond a romantic relationship, with one exception.

Cuddlers verses Non-Cuddlers.

A prime example:  A Liberal asshole, Jewtheist, die hard Red Sox fan can be with a nice, fiscally Republican, Episcopaliagnostic, die-hard Yankees fan, as long as they share the same category above.  Fortunately, this couple is in the Cuddler category, otherwise we probably would have batted each other to death by now.  (Photo courtesy of Walter O’Neil).

This does not necessarily apply for platonic relationships.   Cuddlers and Non Cuddlers can work together, or be friends!  Can you guess who belongs to what category in this photo?

I’m not being judgmental on this rare occasion… If you don’t like holding and caressing,  that’s perfectly okay.  But what the fuck is wrong with you?  Oops.  Was that judgemental?  I guess I am just not capable.  Sorry.  But at least I am a judgmental cuddler!  I love to cuddle.

It would seem that more men would be Non-Cuddlers, especially the ones that force themselves to be, only when horny.  Once it’s over, the cuddler shrivels up, just like he does.

But there are women as well that don’t have the cuddle gene.  They might be the ones that just want to get sex over with; the ones that drop their nail file if they have that orgasm.   And that is perfectly normal!  (That was another attempt at faking being non-judgemental…did you buy it?)

The entire population of the earth is either a cuddler or a non-cuddler.

This is the only characteristic that if you do not share with your partner, will doom your relationship, hands down.  

You may stay together, but you will not be happy.

For the Cuddler, they want to cuddle.  The Non-Cuddler doesn’t.  (Duh.)  The Non-Cudler feels like the Cuddler is too needy.  The Cuddler feels rejected and unfulfilled by the Non-Cuddler.  The Cuddler will hold back, not to annoy the Non-Cuddler, and avoid the rejection.  The Non-Cuddler sometimes sacrifices and makes an attempt at cuddling, like I make an attempt at being non-judgmental.  It’s fake.  But if it is not in their make-up, it’s not in their make up.  They can’t help it.

Cuddlers are lovey dovey.  They are truly affectionate people.  (Even though some can be assholes.)  It feels so good to spoon, as long as it is not too hot, of course.  (Or if someone lets one go…then you take a temporary break, and get back into position!)

A fun game I play with myself is the “Celebrity Cuddle Game!”  I try to guess which category they are in.  You can play, too!  The fun never ends!

CUDDLERS:  Brad and Angelina, Al PacinoBette Middler, Gandhi, Bill Clinton, (I think Hillary might be on the other team. Hey!  That would explain Monica!)… Monica Lewinski, Laurence Fishburne, George Bush, (Ya don’t even have to be smart to cuddle!), Ellen Degeneres, Jon Stewart,Jimmy Falon, Bill Gates, Derek Jeter, W.C. Fields, Grouch Marks, Picasso, Linda Chorney, (Snuck myself in, so I could show off photo opps with Celebs!)Bruce SpringsteenKeith Richards, President Obama, Nelson Mandela, Sarah Palin, (But not on the bus tour.  Too busy brushing up on her U.S. History.)

NON-CUDDLERS:  A Till of the Hun, Dick Cheney, Larry Bird, Yosemite Sam, That Bitchy Blond from FOX, Frida Kahlo, Hitler, (well maybe with little boys), Charles Manson, Michele Bachmann, One guy I dated for a minute, George Will, Bernie Madoff, Winnie Mandela, Kim Jong Il, Larry David.  (But I love him!)  (Larry, if I am wrong, please let me know, but I’m pretty, pretty, pretty, sure.)

NOT SURE:  Glenn Beck, O.J. Simpson, Mike Tyson, Bill O’Reilly, Manny Ramirez, Arod, Keith Olbermann, John McCain, Mussolini, Hillary Clinton, Osama Bin Deadnow, David Letterman, Hugh Grant, Oprah Winfrey, (I’m really on the fence with her.  And if I’m lucky, when she is on it she will be at the lighter weight so it won’t break.  Yeah, I know that was a cheap shot.  But she’s fat, then thin, then fat, then thin…Maybe she cuddles when she is heavier, and not when she’s thinner, because she’s pissed off from being too hungry?  Low blow?  Sorry, it’s just where my brain went.  I think she is awesome!  And I hate dieting.  I know I can control my fingers on the keyboard, as opposed to my thoughts.  But I would lose integrity if I just didn’t write what I am really thinking.  Ya know what I am thinking right now?  SHUT THE FUCK UP LINDA!)

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Linda Chorney

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August 2011
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